strike one

This is gonna be short and simple!!! It is not working .. I want out of my cage.You are fucked up and I am fucked up ..but we are not fucked together. We are on different sides of the same team. And the competetion has become all we got. And the rules are always changing no matter whose at bat. You are gonna try to prove you are the one. The only one...that will become someone after me

october

Guess I could actually write something instead of checking my email. Things are blustery and cold. I have been trying to do something useful everyday besides sit at the house and answer the phone. I finished up with the garden last week and getting ready for a cold winter this year. Firewood is moved closer to the front door. God how I love starting fires. It is the only thing I seem to enjoy anymore. My orchids will have to wait til next spring. If we both show up that is.

bday blues

Around and around I always go..Never to fast and never to slow. Lost in this mess I helped to create. Lord it's about all I can take. First it's real bad and then drops to worse. Then it's real sunny and stays really hot.

I am well . hood ornaments litter the lawn in the ghetto.

leap of faith

Today while fishing thru pictures trying to find something that just does not suck a big one I came across my little trip to Lewiston, Idaho. I remember it was the first time in a long time it was not dreary and raining. I jumped up on the scenic block and yelled to my friend take a picture take a picture !! We were the only ones on that lonely deserted road and since he was not use to my vibrant dominant personality ...the only response I got was him looking back over his shoulder the way we had come. Oh man I thought in my head another dead head, you know the kind. The ones that will not bend the rules out in the real world especially if it involves getting in my pants. Ooops I meant good graces. I felt my eye roll grimace ,move across my face and I start to shudder at his baaahumbug demeanor. Think I got down to appease him ? That would be a NEGATIVE ghostrider.

Sunday is diva loves daddy day

It is funny how cute and adorable I find my daughter when she is acting like a retard. Daddy this one is for you..From your favorite ex-wife LOL !
P.s. maybe it is only funny if you have the volume up..do I really sound like that when I laugh ? Damn now I got something else to work on if I am ever gonna find me a future ex-husband. Acceptance is guaranteed I say I say with that tantlizingly seductive smile on my face.

balance miwokdreamer..

Okay, usually the only time I utter the word balance is when I am watching one of my daughters.. trying to walk in a pair of my heels. Did I ever mention the awesome power of the spiked heel ? I mean like WOW it ranks right up there with big boobs and cleavage... with the guys

sailor boy..

I love this picture of my dad when he was just beginning his career. Well in all truth he was just beginning with my mother and her two beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. Her two little indian maids- Kris and Julie. Notice how I put my name in front ? I am the oldest and that means line leader. Obey my authority...okay so where was I. The garage sale is going extrememly well. Things weren't looking so good a couple hours ago. My mom has to over price things and of course it drives me insane. Beanie babies for $3.00 and they are not even bears ! We actually had three groups of tourists come by and buy up most of the kachinas and navaho sand paintings like wow those were not cheap. And 3 offers on the piano. One lady said she will pay the asking price ..but she don't get paid til tuesday.So we will see. It is getting so everyday I have to have a picture.. to post with my intellectual rants. Good thing my camera lens got fixed-thanks John ! gotta go

garage sale

I think I fell in love today ! With who Kris ? The boy guy next door ? NO it was with the sunshine and the soft breeze tickling my face. Less complications..I say- because getting ready for tomorrow is going to be crazy ! Garage sale with the neighbor lady. The lady who is so nice and alive with laughter and a kind word. I wish I could warm up a cold dark day the way she can. The shed is no longer going to be full of skeletons . Are you ready miwokdreamer for the madness of memory ? YES MASTER ! Will I get past the piles of clothes that are never going to fit me anymore? Or will I stash them in that make-believe mountain that will be too high for me to reach the top of. The mountain of not gonna happen, not gonna fit or fix, the mountain that I am not going to climb !

the good doctor (20 yrs ago)

This is going out to my favorite doctor at the time I first became pregnant. Which soon changed to dreadful fascination. While I silently waited for him to stand up and say something..anything-about my bruised and battered body. The fingerprint bruising around my neck or the blackest purple goose eggs embedded in my thighs from being punched, choked and even kicked by the trickster. I in the end became better than the trickster- because I tricked myself into believing things would change. The good doctor who never asked questions and who never made eye contact with the trembling hand. The trembling hand that silently wiped the tears away before they hit the floor. I did not know how to ask for anything I was in too deep. every month i would beg my god  that you would help me, that by noticing my plight  I would actually remember that I was alive. You made me believe I was a ghost...that I had no skin. Invisible. I cried and whimpered in pain getting up and down off that examing table. And with each whispered gasp of red hot pain screaming from every pore of my body, I felt relief loosen the stability of my mind.I cannot point a finger at only you because I was the one who could not say the words out loud .In a way it was only me and you. And since he waited in the hall it bought me a few quiet moments to soothe my stirrings . That all was not right. And Doctor Jeffrey Scott-fuck you

right now...

I am sitting in my mother's room at her desk, with the sunlight spilling thru the blinds of the window. I am suppose to be checking movie times in pullman for the karate kid. I have got to finish painting the shed so we can return the ladder to the neighbor. Teri the realtor and my second cousin by marriage will be by sometime today to sink a wooden stake in the ground in front of the house-for sale ! Let's see less rhymes and words about sadness and remorse. I just finished reading the Host by stephanie meyer. I would give it two and a half stars out of four. I just started reading the emerald tablet. very very interesting, so far-with hermes trisgetmitus as the star. I do know that is not the correct spelling of his last name. I am done yawning the taste of sleep has left my building. Last night my daughter and I were outside laughing and being silly. We were spinning round in circles. it was so fun! Please no more boring memories of her childhood Kris. stop stop pls. We are at liberty park and the skies are sinister, an ominous heavy blanket of rolling clouds smother any sounds that ever existed. It is like the world is stuffy, congested with a head cold. I love to be outside in the falling rain, it cleanses the filth of the ghetto off your hide. I start to feel like it is I who is congested the longer I am around the sick people who frequent my house. I was poor so alot of the things I do may resemble simple stupidity but it is the symbolic metaphor that loosens my chains.First I would put clean sheets on my bed and pillowcases and leave clean clothes by the door. I would grab cassidy's hand and yell let's go go go- and we would head to the swings at the park that are forever and around the block away. The whole time we are walking I am picturing the water washing away the anger the lies the bitter emotions that coat my hair and skin from the tweekers and the other hood ornaments. The thunder would scare my daughter a little at first and I would distract her with the one one thousand two one thousand . But it was the lightning that would terrify me and hearing my scream would send her in a frenzy. get to the swings mama hahah. the metal swings-if she only knew. We would finally get to the swings and god i love the feel of the wind blowing across my brow and her invisible fingers untangling the knots in my hair. I would have my arms wrapped around her and her face blocked in my chest, so she would not realize how bad the storm was or more importantly how far we had to walk to get back home. Somehow I had started twisting her around and around.I look up at the car with the parents right before i let her go. It is not child abuse if you are trying to help her weather her fear right. I look up at her little legs and see how high up she is ...even how twisted and knotted the chains are. Before I whisper keep your hands in the same spot or the chain will bite you bad. Ready my love for the ride I wish I never had.....whoooooooshhh mamamamamamaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!! She loved it and so did I

electrolyte of insanity

I hear the lips of something
whispering in my head
I don't know how to explain it
this thing I call the dread
I swear it must mean something
my feeling is dark and bleak
it makes me wish for nothing
nothing I want to keep

spirit of the soul ..the Lord's lonely watcher

Within "you" is my spot
my seat upon the throne
my dungeon of earthly horrors
my home away from home
surrounded within the living
trapped inside the flesh
I witness all the living
recording what you do
I am not the judge or the jury
the verdict or defense
I am the journey
how it started
chapters in a book
a novel full of pages
each page is a step
so what's the use in trying
I've seen it all before
your not going to make it
you always let him down
trapped deep inside you
I utter not a sound

Milton wrote;

In her sweetest saddest plight
smoothing the rugged brow of night
Sweet bird, shun'st the noise of folly
most musical, most melancholy

the cord

Things I am not about and the things I would like to be are somehow twisted together into an odd dna cord. An umbilical cord that feeds my inner child ...as it wraps tight around my throat. Cutting off the ability to breathe.

the color of polish on our toes

Wow I do not want to make myself appear like a bad mom by posting an old poem my oldest wrote about me maybe close to 9 or 10 years ago. It was after my breakup with Max. My girls use to adore my alcholic find...he use to paint our toenails as he bowed at our feet. Max took off with my credit cards a few times and maxxed them out with his love of game. 3 or 4 thousand it was before I said leave. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. I felt at the time that it was none of their business to break the news I could not burst the bubble he had surrounded us with. I just could not tell them the truth why & they hated me for it! Because they could not understand my detatchment from what he had become. A part of the family. Is it funny looking back how after their dad and I split... he would try to punish me by forgetting our kids. And that I was the one.. who could not break the belief they had in his love. I bought them presents from him and nobody knew. But I was twisted of course, for example my daughter of goth music opened up the present from dad ..."brittney spears" she would whisper shaking her head.


your mom seems very special in the head
she likes to have men by her side
when she's in bed
she's getting quite bored though
she wants something new
she wants something different
that something is you
run, run, run as fast as you can
she's going to rape you
it's part of her plan
if she catches you,
it's your most unlucky day
she'll tie you upto her bed
and have her way
run, run, run as fast as you can
knock her out with that frying pan
if you don't miss,
you can get away
try dying if she gets you
and says she loves you
then she's lying
and if she gets you pregnant
so sorry to say
your kids will turn out just like me
HAVE A NICE DAY !!!!!

mirrored emotion

I saw my tears
running down
your face
And I could not
decide
If they looked
better
on you

groove-master..

Ladies ever feel like you lost your groove ? Wanna know how I got mine back ? Why sure Kris !
Okay yesterday found me walking thru the moscow palouse mall with no make up on and my hair pulled back in a ponytail. When all of a sudden I pass a gorgeous hunk of a man and I smile polite...trying not to drool. And then you guessed it. I cannot stop myself from turning to look after 5 or 6 more steps, to check out his ass. To see if the view is as hot as the front ! As I focus in-I realize he is stopped and is checking me out also. I give him my tantilizingly seductive smile & turn back around the way I was headed. In my want some fries with that shake walk "mode". Weather is suddenly delightful-why? Because without even saying a word he has given me back my groove.

chocolate chip cookies

Love is the flavor of life
happiness the aroma

death by suffocation

Lock up my heart
in the vault of complication
Keep it safe
from me
With a deadly combination

shadows

I felt love
stalking me today
Hiding in the warmth
of the sunshine
Gently kissing
the shadow
obscuring my face

Mom....coke or pepsi ?

these shoes were made for..

fuckin that's just what i say.. one of these days these shoes are gonna walk all over you. Every time I see these shoes I just start drooling why? They are so hot and sexy ! It is like whoever is the lucky princess to be .. the glass slipper will slip into place..then- BOOM there it is. The world becomes enchanted with the fairy tale music song and you spin around and around with that stupid grin on your face. Dancing with your invisible prince with your empty arms up in the air, la la laa laaaaaaaa . It is making me dizzy. It would just be perfect if you could pick your own song. Cause with the right song in place, hell yeah I would try. Pussycat Dolls....don't cha . I would pick the devil himself to be my DJ. Only because I like those dirty rap songs, with that beating heart of sensuality that makes you want to strip.I am pretty sure my fairy godmother got ate by a bird or something. I saw it happen and there was not a thing I could do about it. It was her own fault cause with a twist of her wand she could have transformed that bird into a hot air balloon or something right ? I say let it go miwokdreamer -a sugar daddy would be much easier to find lol ! Oh well back to the shoes... they are too small and I am not even gonna try. I keep picturing Cinderella's sister with that extra long extended version of a foot and I just could not put that picture in any fairy tale involving myself. My I am so easily distracted by ...let's call it an active imagination. Wow the past couple days I needed more than any fix or medication. I am glowing and smiling. All is well at this time..warm and sunny-just beautiful. And even though it is a black cloudy storm of a day. I am covered in the arms of my favorite quilt with no worries to make me cold

wrong side of the track

I smiled across
the distance
From the other
side of the world
you must have crossed
the Red Sea
When Moses wasn't looking
To smile back
at me

hello anyone there ?

children at this time
shallow be thy grave
live much longer
it is upto you
fate
dishonour
left to ponder
where it is
you fit in
if i had a voice
that could be heard
what would i say
to grab you
by the shoulders
and let you know
what is
most important
to get to where
you need to be
respect your elders
maybe
not the top of the list
maybe
it is to let your elders be
maybe
it is too complicated
for me to explain
to nag away
at what you'll
never understand
wasted
is a word
a part of youth
i see it everywhere
i see it inside of you
wrapped up tight
in your coat
of many colours
you made for you
wasted
are my views
i pull down the shade
and you are gone
forgotten we
each become
cause..without
a trigger
hell ..without
a free ride
on the merry
go round
i am nothing
to you but
a pair of eyes
my words
have no
hang time
without the
feel good
reality
for some is
the acid trip
without the
suitcases
full of stress
no one home
not right now
why stop by
hello
anyone there?
this is your neighbor
hello
anyone there?
this is your mother
hello?
this is your father
hello?
this is your child
hello?
it doesn't matter
HELLO?
try back later
hello
anyone there?
this is your dealer
COOL I KNEW YOU WERE HERE

never kill the messenger

The images are starting to haunt me. I cannot focus on a thing. I cannot turn away from the pictures on the TV. About the oil spill that got away. My tears are too horrified to fall, my anger is simmering on the back burner inside my head. Growing stronger than I like to taste and of course it is justified. Which makes it right. CNN just flashed 200 birds brought in..dead on arrival. It makes it hard to breath. Oh Lord I have to wonder..can't you in your infinite power help us out this time ? I have to wonder what it would be like if my daughter did not have the awesome power of what it is like, to believe. That a simple bird could rise up off the land.. with a flap of wings, and soar up up up thru the sky. No powered engine on it's back to pollute our toxic air. They are freedom in it's rawest form. I cannot imagine how empty the skies will be. They are majestic creatures and carry imagination on the small of their back. And of course we all want to fly away at times, just fly off..without a sound. My granny use to say to this little girl-the birds are messengers. You never kill the messenger, you murderers-THIS WILL LEAD TO WAR.

bi-Polar

I filled my coffee cup with the required amount of sugar and milk before I poured the dark fragrant river into my ceramic pond (cup). The birds are outside my window chirping that song I love to hear...the come out to play tune. I open the blinds to see what is going on outside in the back yard. And my breath gets sucked away, I run out to the slider & silently slip into the lawn chair that will hold me and my attention. Yellow butterflies are manuevering in intricate formations, above my line of sight. Trapped between the blue sky sea and the green grass terrain. I have no control over what moves me and I sit back for the show. The birds start up with the music, and the butterflies start to play. I am expecting the hummingbird family to be the grand finale in this local song and dance. And I for one am all about that. I will wait- like I do while at fairchild airforce base til the jets break the speed of sound. I am not going nowhere soon,with my feet sunk in the ground.

What the hell was I thinking...1/22/2008

Wow reading back in time, I once in awhile feel my jaw drop and my face flush.. This little nugget of insanity will only last a day or two then bye bye..baby ! the title is ..Blood clots of life,
If you are not female-LOOK AWAY, LOOK AWAY..this is not for you. If you continue to read on you will never again wish to stick your pretty boy face, between her legs again...and how could I live with myself for ruining it for any female. Especially when I get soo little of it myself these days?
Dammit, hell & fuck. I changed my noble mind and I am not going to post how big the blood clot was. The one that fell on my foot this morning-as I was taking a shower. It was a suicide clot that was attempting to wash the naughty nightmares from my mind.It was so big it clogged up the shower drain. hell it was so monstrous it almost clotted up the world. Here is my mounting dread. The fear that keeps building up inside of me..that one question I have to ask it!
I become mesmerized watching it slide off my big toe and start spinning crazy on top of the water, headed to oblivion.I swear It waved at me. The miss america wave that only a female can master. Before she waved at me..and I wondered what part of her was me...set free ?
I closed my mouth and I begin to wonder if that wet dream I use to have-was really mine or if she was stealing it away from me ? Cause we could not have that for the simple fact I was very attatched to that memory. It was my golden globe adult winner choice-a hot juicy sex creamsicle porno kinda flick. That I directed in my mind.
I looked even closer to see if it was hers (let's call her red ) if she starred in the show. But it is gone..notta. My mind is lost..stuck down the drain, almost to the gutter. HELP ME OBEE ONE KENOBEE YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE. Oh yeah and could you wear that hoodie, you know the one that covers up your face ?

the light hurts my eyes (2 years old)

Alone and being alone, are they the same ? Is one safer than the other ? Is one more socially acceptable ? I think my inner soul has not come to the realization that you are gone, no more..notta. But I can still feel something and that is what comforts me..the fact that I can still feel your aura of love surrounding my body like a ghost. Am I the ghost that nobody sees or the shell that hides the answer...
I miss you I miss you ! I miss us.. ..I miss you laying in bed beside me and the sun shining in our window each morning. That is what I miss. The morning bliss. When the day had not started yet, had not yet taken it's toll on our suffering. When it was you and me against the world. When it was you and me against the snooze. The loud buzzing whine that would send us into a frenzy of insanity. Trying to find the that idiot button, just so we could hold onto the warmth we shared together in that bed, that held our life. That fucking bed that held me as I wept for you to come home to me. And be a part of us. Why couldn't you just come home and be more than memory ? The dreams my pillow kept tucked away will never ever be. Now I pull the shades down, blocking out the light and cursing the sun.

Fragrant scent of dread..

Actually made it to church today, it has been weeks. I always miss the simplicity of the little people, their freedom is good for my head. There are always four or five of them that will feed on my eyes, reeling me in with their innocent sighs. I think my most favorite thing is not when they get bored or fall sound asleep. It is how magnificent a temper tantrum is to watch in it's infantile form. When it is just plain and simple..raw emotion. I guess I could be the only one left on this earth who is drawn to volcanic disruptions of our youth. It brings tears to my eyes cause we are all so complicated, each one of us wrapped in our Sunday best. Which is more true..Life wears death like a coat or death wears life like a coat.

water resistant

I was meaning to remember the sailor who stole my mother's heart. But Memorial day found us at the Cda Casino...again. Today We were re-arranging the "livestock" around. Trying to get a better fit for the boxes that line the shelves of our garage. The boxes that are lined up like presents that time forgot. Before I knew it I had ripped one carefully open, cause I knew it was all about you. Remembrance flooded through me like a shot of whiskey..instantly hot & intense. Like a bolt of lightning. I love this picture of you lost in time. It is perfect my father full of grace. This is when you were just starting your voyage out to sea. Holding hands with the Navy...being all you could be. Howard Franklin ______ I salute you for the price you paid. But more than that- I love you ...Thanks to the greatest dad.

the taste of morning

mmhhhhhh kris clearing her throat and in her best AL Pacino voice..."say hello to my little friends". Today was good. It was like the perfect day was waiting for me when I got out of bed. It was waiting for me even though I slept in and woke up grouchy. It grabbed ahold my hand and led me to the table ...while the quiet pulled up a chair. Me and the quiet sat there in silence..while the coffee burped and farted .It brewed into existence...the taste of the day. I looked up from the distance, warm and all aglow. Not from the coffee I had not started. It was the kiss of sunlight on my face

Like A Rock

This print I bought for myself cause it was beyond my control not to. I was at the Valley mall in Spokane and I just happened to cast my eyes into this art gallery as I was walking by. I screeched to a halt and it was kinda spooky how fast I reeled myself in to stand in front of this beauty. I got lost in the eyes of the native woman, and I wanted to be her so bad. The sales associate of course filled me in on my newest investment. It is a Henri Peters Print 173/500, entitled "LIKE A ROCK". I called it...gotta have it and handed her my credit card. Have you ever felt like screaming and doing the victory dance cause of the awesome power contained with a credit card? The I'll Take It ...no matter the cost clause ? Anyway I sold it to my mother a few years back and we have negoiated a Kris is getting it back deal. It is like I am falling in love with her all over again. Henri Peters is colour blind and his work just moves me into another place I did not know existed inside myself..that quiet cave i forgot about.

Which...?

Outside alot today with my hands buried in the earth, I could just lose myself in the primal scent. There have been a couple times that someone has actually pointed a finger at me and whispered...Which !?Which? Which what ? At first I am always dumbfounded of course, at least on the outside. The face everyone can see. The need to remain calm far outweighs the want to start cackling all crazy while i rub the wart on my chin. People fear and respect what they don't understand. I know that there have been times I have feared for my loved ones when we are locked in battle. Because I know there is something that watches over me.
One thing for certain I do know, is that i don't give a shit if people don't understand me. Hell I barely know myself. Who cares ? Especially since where I'm from- the ghetto..not the best quality of people and who cares what the tweekers think. all that really matters is what you think about yourself right?
I will never take the time to explain myself or my beliefs to anyone who is not smart enough intellectually to understand it. It saves us both alot of time and for myself a little piece of mind. Maybe it is the cards I have always read- THOTH Deck baby that gives the wrong impression..so be it then all i know for certain is that  when i wake up in the morning i am okay with myself.
So I guess I am not a relegious fanatic. But spiritual I am, deeply spiritual. What does that mean Kris ? Spiritual..? Does it mean I don't believe in GOD? Far from it ! This is what I say , looking toward the holy land..God has more than one name. I truly believe that ! Wouldn't it just be so much easier to take the name GOD, Allah, Jehovah, etc out of every language and just let it be that feeling that burns in your chest. That burning ache that actually means your "safe". Because of the righteous spark of insanity we know is good. A get out of jail card for immortality.
I have a passion for non fiction and try to keep my mind fed with fiber. It helps you shit better and keeps one regular. Who or what I believe in is ever-changing.
I find truth in the bible and a couple chapters of this belief. A sentence from this book. Eight pages of this doctrine. And ancient knowledge of any faith i devour. if anything my belief system is always changing.from one day to the next. i do know there are things you can not quite grasp from books or videogames. I figured out something after 43 years and that is I don't know shit. And I am okay with that.

My eBay

My eBay

i want i want you

My nickname should be the lister..cause that is all I do most of the day. I am stuck on the computer composing the perfect presentation to present to the buyer. AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Things come and they go. Well mainly they go. I try not to get attatched to anything my mom wants to sell. Which is not that hard if it involves clothes. But once in awhile I start to tear up and I want something so bad that I can't ask her.. to her face. Why because I would not be able to deal if she said no. I sometimes get this selfish taste at the back of my throat and I say (under my breath of course, cause my mom has bionic hearing) She don't pay me or she owes me something. And when that happens I run to the kitchen and I pour my self a glass of milk. Cause it coats everything it touches and goes down the drain..Besides milk is good for you and it drowns my evil thoughts. She lets me live here without a thought cause she is my mother and she has no other choice, lol ! This is one ..I miss already ! It feeds me calm as I enter the room. It has a leash on me. And I can't break free..hell I don't want to break free. Oh my 5 inches of power ..is that all it takes to control me ? I just gave my mom my last twenty dollar bill cause we need lettuce and tomatoes, even hair conditioner. She never asks for money. Without a thought I hand it over cause i don't ever want her to worry. And even though later I will burn when I think she had me start the bid at $25 which includes free shipping. I don't want him to go !!!!I need a sugar daddy or better yet a job. Yeah a sugar daddy will do...

rainbow

The earth was honored
by the sky today
Washed clean by the
teardrops
Humanity forgot
to cry
I looked up at
the pastel slate
Lit with
flourescent colours
Burning
with hate

Shallow pond of the CDA Casino

Man, why do I let myself get led anyplace I don't need to be !! And what really sucks is the fact that I was not pushed or pulled that way. No I wasn't yanked by the arm or pulled by my hair (although I like my hair pulled ). I was not fooled . It was the words. These words to be exact "...come hang out and lose all your money with us" .Yes folks that is all it took. My hook, line and sinker ! Found in the same small pond that everyone is fishing from.

who is afraid of the big bad ghost

I give you the battle and take the war..cause I am not fighting or thinking of you anymore. I feel stable and centered part of the day. I am not comfortable with nothing after all that I gave. But you know I am something .. and you hold on tight. What makes you think that i will be around when you decide that you are ready to have me around. I was blind when I got here. My pain was soo intense. It was not the darkness that stole my sight. It was the brightest bright of hate's burning right. I was in shock and I could not breathe without the cost. it was ridiculous the price we pay. Just like the gas we put in our car. One gulp of breath i took cost me two tears of dread. I sat soo long in the dark, like an invalid . And it has been said that when one of your senses goes ,your other ones will step upto the plate, to make up for the loss. I felt something bumping around in the room. It wasn't a ghost of the man that i love. It was this ...the feeling of longing that set me free. You see the love that i was wanting was found in me. It was something you could never give me to call my own you fed it my existence and it turned to stone. A stray of existence that brought me back.. This beautiful beast found my heart in the darkness..and brought it back like a stick. He waited in patience he barked in haste. He growled at the ghost that wanted me dead. He jumped on my lap then licked my face. I had my first taste of something when instead of walking away..when I wcould not play fetch. (even though it was my heart)He just fell down to lay at my feet. He asked no questions of the tears that fell ..and what time I would be back from my uncertain hell. He took my pain and your madness and led the way. To the world i was missing...hiding inside . Like a seeing eye dog

Coat of many colours..

My coat of many colours my momma made for me. No this is the one I made all by myself. The one I tried to piece together in the dark. I have got to stop this musing. I don't want him anymore. Why can't I stop tormenting myself with these deep scratches, this longing for pain ? I am crying and fine all in the same breath. I am dying and being born anew. I am winning and losing myself before the race even starts or finishes. KRIS stop putting him on and taking him off like a sweater.You don't know if you are too warm or cold. All you feel is uncomfortable. You know there is a change in the weather. That the seasons are changing in your life..let that be enough

bits and pieces ( post from 5 years back)

As long as the sun sets and the moonlight puts us to sleep. I have been walking in two worlds...the real world and the drug world. I cannot remember if the real world is make believe or fantasy. So I guess I will have to take fantasy..only because I am female. This picture is of my little girl and how I wish I could act. Cause we are stuck in winter here. I am clean clean clean... sparkly clean now. This is from an old post so no need to worry about the reference to the drug world. Guess I could go ahead and delete it, but then I would only be hiding something about myself and that is how wonderful it feels to be where I am.
Anyway here goes..
Everytime the wind blows it is her voice I hear whispering in my ear.."come to me". It tickles my soul with longing. I sense her presence when I look in the mirror, especially when I am putting on my mascara. That is really the only time I look into her eyes. Look deep into my eyes. I am restless. I want to join her by the shore. I want to immerse myself in her spirit. I want to taste the words she summons the wind with. I want to stick my warm blooded toes into her crystal clear reflection sparkling on top of the water..smiling back at me. I am Home. Mother I am back...with my dirty laundry. Unshowered and ugly with all the sickness of the world suffocating my soul. So much that I find it hard to breathe. Mother it is I ! Your biggest fucked up failure..remember me ? Here to fill up on all your sympathy and fresh beginnings. All before I leave again. Like every child. Will you hear my pleas and wake from your long cold sleep ?
It is my turn to cry to the mother who holds me in her dreams. This weight of self destruction will bury me without a doubt. She is more than all the living I will ever never know. She is pure element...the lady of the lake. We heal each other with our essence..our connection at birth. She is the blood that runs through my veins. I am the journey she moves thru. Right now she is calling out to me...her voice is the wind. Somehow I must get to Spring Valley, between Deary and Troy. Only she can detoxify what has infected my body with it's poison. It is beyond my human ability to control her energy. I can feel her departure and I know she always returns to the edge of reality . This lady of the deep. I start to sense this great loss inside of me as she fights her way back home. I can scream and cry and roll on the ground, with my arms wrapped tight around me...straight jacket bound. I close my eyes for a second and somehow the wind with it's invisible fingers stands me up straight and tall. My arms are not my own and my hair is insanity..standing up on end. It is like elctricity is gathering in the palms of my hands. My arms are pushed roughly up to the sky and this pulsating blast of magic screams out of my fingertips into the open sky. And with the voice of thunder she tells me not to cry. I fall into a puddle on the ground and all at once I hear this sound.. you must return for me" Somehow I lose her and then I follow her home. Back to the source, of a mother's shame. Back to the sorrow that calls my name. Ahhh hell ! I just want to swim in her sparkling laughter. It tickles the hair in my ears.

moonlight madness

How is it
I sit alone
with only the pain
to keep me company?
The lonliness remembers
the stories I love to hear
and the quiet
fingers each
page..closer near.

bonsai

Mourning this morning, crying tears in the backyard, so the flowers would not be thirsty. I probably doomed them to a slow death. I try to pretend I am happy. Just like everyone else I have on my halloween mask, my mask of deception. Not my red hot sex fantasy.. mardi gras face mask. With the red wet lips ahhhhhhhhhhhhh . Distractions will be the climax of me hahah. Anyway I was talking about the end of the pretty things that live in the back yard. The red flowers....My tears have no electrolytes in them. They are a bitter bleach appetizer that only the cactus have the ability to grow from. But I found a friend that will always be grounded in the soil . Right by my house . In it's shadow, is my quiet spot. The place that soothes my soul. Outside my door and to the right where the lawn is cut is my favorite tree in the whole wide world. It is solid ground that I love so much that I can't sit down. I want to wrap my arms round the rough bark and tangle my hair in it's fragile limbs. I smile up at the sky and look in wonder at this majestic beast that feeds me with new life. This tree holds withhin it every wish i ever wondered and every tear I could ever cry. Why is It I am left to wonder whatever happens to either one of us...I will be the one to die?

knock knock..

If I could slide down a rainbow...
without burning my ass on the vibrant color
Could you catch me on your bed
to break my fall?
pls?
And then roll me over..
to make sure I'm alive.
If I am not still breathing,
pls ?
push my skirt back into place,
and close my legs.
pls and thank you
then goodbye

Note to myself "IF" is the big word here, not could. "IF" is like the Grand Canyon of all doubt.But upon closer examination there is no word that would work to open this poem up. When wouldn't work cause I don't know if I can do it without burning my ass. There is no switch to turn the atomic heat off of the vibrant colours and since I was planning on wearing no panties with that black mini skirt mmhhhhh. Now the whole damn thing is so not working for me. Maybe the second sentence should start with .."would" you catch me on your bed ? Because with "could" out front, it is more like a challenge..like your standing there with your hands on your hips and that tone in your voice. I mean my voice...Fuck it "would" is too weak it is like a whiney I don't think your qualified for the job group of letters. Double Dam Jam lick my tits ! How is this going to happen..let's try this. If I knock on your door could we fuck on your bed ?

Where there is Hope (1/20/2008)

Okay was just wasting time looking thru old titles..Where there is Hope caught my eye. Just because after being my best friend forever Hope is now with My Ex. When we first met she was dating the son of my ex. And doesn't a story go so much better with a picture ? The girl on the far right is Diamond girl, another one of my best friends . Hope is the middle beauty. Ej is on the far left and is now an ex daughter in law. It is ironic how things change isn't it ? I am not as upset as I should be, and why is that you ask ? I say none ya friggin business ! Anyway the original post goes..
God it was soo good to hear your voice on the other end of the phone. Ahhh misadventure after misadventure we have shared over the years. Are we connected by the Davis charm or by the Davis curse ? How much I have come to rely on you to restore my sanity, cause only you know how crazy a Davis can make one. Only you. Only you Hope know of my love and heartbreak.How my love for him destroyed any taste of a normal life..as a functioning adult. I remember calling you everytime I was spent. Everytime I was used up..and you would just know. You never had to ask. You knew of my suffering and deepest dark depression, cause you had shared it yourself in this unfolding Davis drama. God did the usage and years speed away from us and all we had to offer ? I could barely keep my head above the water ..that last week. I forgot how to breathe and was starting to turn red..dark red. I was soo lost and confused. I have cried so many tears since I met you and since I last talked to you. I tried to hold out until you got out of pine lodge. But I could not have done it any longer without drowning in my shallow spoon of despair. It was only your kind words that saved me for a couple more days. the last time I let you give me air to breathe, one last dying breath to hold onto. You said.."Kris did you forget how beautiful you are ? when you heard my sad voice on the other line... I answered..Yes Hope my vice got in the way" If I could have only believed the words you fed me..Would it have been enough ?
I don't know, Cap was my Dr. Kervorkian
and all I wanted was the cure.

Morning Sunsine

Slept in kinda late but just finished my 3rd cup of coffee in this Mormon house and any tiredness I had sitting on my lap has just opened up their umbrella and left my house. Now is time to clean cause my niece will be here tomorrow for the weekend, with her new beau Matt. Anyway they are stationed on the same aircraft carrier. In the navy you can sail the seven seas... oh my God pls do not let yourself start singing that song miwokdreamer..NO HUMMING EITHER- stop it !!!!Hell I got to go distract myself with possibly "Get down with the sickness" Yeah Disturbed should do. Anyway this day I would like to introduce you all to Katie my daughter and my two year old grandson Sam. I love watching her chase him around, it makes me feel good inside. It makes me lift my head up to the sky and smile up at the lord and say Thank you. You remember that small little clause parents throw in your face when you are younger ....that I hope when you have kids they will be just like you? It works !One more thing people and this is serious...Please please Please fix up the spill that is leaking oil into our ocean. Let there be a fix ! It is really a shame when mankind not only contaminates our air but makes it impossible for our waterlife to survive. It does not matter who is at fault, only that it was man. We are all responsible for this because we look the other way. What good is it to point fingers and say look those are the bad ones ? Especially when nothing is working. The only thing that is happenening is there is a line drawn in the sand. One side screaming at the other that you are wrong. I am sure the other side knows. First and foremost figure out something and then assign blame. It takes something like this to change the minds of those who understand the real consequences of pollution. Maybe it will be those powerful minds who are responsible for this crisis to keep this from happening again in the future.

Excuse me..could I borrow your husband ?

Well this day has been exceptional. A very wonderful day right down to my mocha. But since I am female I have that nagging tendency to moan and bitch. I have been out in the jungle taking pictures in our back yard. There are black clouds on the horizon and that means our wireless is gonna go bye bye for a reign or two. I was just trying to figure out the weed eater ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I quit bitching long enough to look over the picture instructions and now I cannot figure out how to make the string longer. Did I mention we found a light fixture at the habitat store in Spokane yesterday..but guess what ladies ? Do not know how to install it and I hate electricity. That evil current of pulsing electricity that screams through your muscles aching for release.. just like um.

dancing drum

Cassidy had her first drummer dance recital. It was a most sunshiney beautiful day yesterday, well without the sun. I do not know what is wrong with my inability to stop taking pictures of my daughter. But she was soo good and healthy when we all met up for bananna splits before the big dance, that I could not help myself. here she is drumroll... cassidy nicole

keys of great note..

You know if there is one thing my sweet little monkey is able to find in me- it is knowledge in what she thinks I know...that drives me crazy. It is her insistence to learn how to play the piano from me. It is great because she actually believes I am great reader of music and she listens when I try to explain scales. Ha she listens..did I actually say she listens ? And If I tell her she has to wait til I get there , she does this cute little monkey dance that just warms my heart. It jumpstarts my day. The funny thing is I only know maybe three songs and that is why the piano lives in the garage. I miss my girls growing up in our crazy house. Dancing in the living to rollercoaster...laughing our heads off.

Smirk of it all

Me and my friend were laughing, talking about being evil and I was reminded of an incident. where I was just plain evil. Did you know sometimes being evil feels so good ? Anyway I was on the east side, trying to walk home from the zip trip on altamont and well you know how guys can act when you don't mean to look hot..but what can you do ? Anyway I make my purchase and I walk out of the store with my eyes down. Cause sometimes the brothers freak out if you give them any eye. And as I am walking down the alley from the store and this guy starts whistling and talking about how good my ass moves...blah blah blah already heard it fella. And I am not even doing ... my want some fries with that shake walk. And I am going to let it slide, but he keeps going and I start to get this feeling like he is jacking off or something. I try to walk faster before it happens, but then all of a sudden it catches up to me and taps me on the shoulder....and I get insulted. Cause by God has he not seen me on the back of that blue panhead during the five years I have lived in the area ? I start to seethe as I flip him off and I make it to the end of the next block. The next thing I realize is my legs are marching me right up to him...all calm and collected, in the heart of the ghetto. Altamont is separating us and this stupid fuck starts cooing me like I am actually interested what he has inside his pants for me. Haha the male race does just about nothing for me except teach me how to take care of my own. I lean across the street and ask him if it was my sweet ass he was ranting about as I was walking down the alley, cause I didn't know if I was the lucky girl. He starts rubbing his hands all excited, as I cross the street to look him dead in the eye. I say rather loudly..."You are friggin stupid right ? Look at my face does this look like a smile to you ? Look closer, it's a smirk ! I AM A CUNT ! and I am so red hot red mad !! All of a sudden we both look up and there are cars and people stopped everywhere, laughing at the look this guy has on his face, as he backs up from me with his hands in the air. All of a sudden I snap out of it and I whisper under my breath ..nominees for best actress in don't fuck with a girl in the ghetto role are..

playing with fire

Today is like any other day if you ask me..so don't ask me. I went walking yesterday and i created a bouqet for you in my head. Not a marker to adorn a grave, but a blast of color to blow life back into my view of things. I don't want to be black and white anymore I want vivid, vibrant color so bright it is like looking at the sun ! Happy birthday Mom. Cassidy frosted the cake I baked and we both lit the candles. Back to ebay to list list list

fresh breath

Sometimes I am soo pitiful..it actually bores me. And when I get bored I start to pace back and forth. Because I figure that if boredom blinds you..you must be old. And if you are old,...then forgotten wraps it's ice cold fingers around your throat. You forget the chill and you close your eyes trying to remember the heat that was soo hot it burned. That Red hot radioactive sex hot.. heat! Where the fuck did I hide it ? I use to greet each day as a challenge...feeding on each moment of daylight like electrolytes ...with nothing more than a yawn escaping my lips. With the sun shining outside and the youth of my children standing freely at my side. I plundered and pillaged the free ride that life had hid inside itself. Adventure and misadventure... each one holding onto a free hand..pulling me along. Night and day, wrong and right, good and bad..we were one. Us three
I did not think about consequence or trying to remember the way home. I saw myself as a beautiful warrioress who wanted nothing more than to skinny dip in an ancient brook gurgling in it's eternal youth.. Just like mouthwash at the back of your throat.

casting

Why try to find some shadow in the darkness to call my very own?
Am I that desperate for affliction...
That I toss out rhyme or reason,
from a pole
Fishing out of season
in a shallow puddle
of mirth

the hive..

If I was part of the hive, that lives in the bottom step of the roost. I would wait til you were all sat down and comfortable..at that table. In the backyard. With your eyes closed and your toes lost in the fresh cut grass...Before I would even let loose my song of warning....bzzzzzzzzzz

emotional sealife

Every month until the exact instant I start I have this buildup of hot cold emotion that runs up and down my body trying to find a way in. It is like an overwhelming loss overtakes me and I let it lead me by the arm away from rational thought. It is like the death of me and it is the start of nothing I have ever seen. Ha cause to tell you the truth it is not seen it is the invisible current of insanity that screams to be heard. Maybe cause it is going away forever or at least a little while, like a month. I lose my self confidence as soon as I listen to the ghosts that are trying to shatter the peace of mind. If anything it is my few friends who help me the most by looking the other way as my mind gives up intense emotion. God help the next man who loves me....no I take that back he will be the luckiest gem alive. I am back from the edge of madness, with a grin licking my lips. Wow that was intense and real. I just finished up the old tale of catherine and heathcliff and I bawled like a baby last night as I lay awake reading. Not so much for obnoxious Catherine, but for Heathcliff's loss. And I just feel for his agony and pain and I don't care that he took it out on those around him after she was no longer his and how he mourned for her after her death...cause it was something that was not his to control. She knew that and played the temptest so well that she is the one who damned them all to hell. friggin bitch I say

sunflower seeds

How many bags of sunflower seeds has my fingers ripped open? More bags than I can count. One thing that all my men have always held against me is my love for seeds. I love to read and seed. I try not to spill the shells, I really do. Shit I cannot write or think or do any damn thing except get lost in my love for you. Where are you and whose arms are you wrapped up tight in ? I don't want anyone else to kiss or promise me the things that you use to promise me. I am sorry ...I am sorry
Do you ever think bout me or miss the life we had ? I was talkin with one of your friends and they said you were having a hard time without me. I started to cry cause I cannot come back home. It will be the death of me. I thought I could change you with my love. That if you had my love you would be able to live without the drugs you poison yourself with. But that is not so, you had an arm to wrap around each of us. I do not believe you when you say you quit..that is like you stating that you figured out how to live without oxygen. I cannot watch you drown yourself in a drugs embrace without wanting to slap you hard across the face and scream BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE.

pick up sticks..

Best pick up line that never got in my pants...good try from rathdrum. Here goes "..or you meet a person that in a second, means more to you..than all you are or have ever been."

my eyes belong to you..

I feel like pms is already knocking on my door. She refuses to go away and if anything the polite taps have evolved to a heavy metal death rap screammmmmmmmmmmmm!! My mouth feels metallic and I can taste evil at the back of my throat. Just swallow it down with something Kris !! My implosion is on the horizon. I can feel the energy building up...being sucked up into this black hole of destruction. I go into the bathroom and twist my hair up into a ponytail, that does not look right. I look right into the face of the beast which is me and I smile the most beautiful one I can muster. I feel scared of what is inside me at times, cause it is like a wild dog. Once it gets loose and off the chain I don't know if I can reign it back in. But like all wild beasts, we all need a little sunshine eh?
I want to be doing anything besides laying on my bed in the dark staring out the window. At the stars in the black sea sky...that holds the world in place.

azure sky...a voice did sing

So today is among other things mothers day..designated that is. And while I sat in church trying not to yawn, I focused on the faces that were giving talks. The yawns came and I freed them into the air. As my attention searched in secret to keep my mind awake, it rested on all the little children. The beautiful little people, who carried themselves like the kings and queens of the many noble families, who sat scattered among us..the common folk. It was like half of them fed on all the eyes watching the show they were the star of. I felt myself long to approach the podium and take over the microphone so I could utter.."nominees for childlike behavior in a flowing purple dress.." I just could not pay attention to anything today cause I had stayed up very late last night reading Eldest (Eragon book 2) and playing wii. My littlest monkey could not breathe knowing I held the top 3 positions on the various games that we play. She is competitve to the point of failure. I can only blame that on her father cause I don't know where she got that from. Anyway I was in the middle of a sigh that was trying to bloom into a yawn, when we all opened our hymnbooks to sing. AND I FOUND MYSELF lifting upto heaven on the wings of a voice. Exactly behind me sat an angelic voice...that was so pure and weightless. It was all I could do not to turn around and stare. A voice of an angel..she will haunt my dreams. I opened my mouth and was able to sing in perfect harmony along with her. She held within her lungs the backbone of what is beautiful to behold. It was something that held no physical form and that is what started the time that got away from me. Trying to figure out how to see who held that angel of a voice inside her. I never saw her face, but maybe that is a good thing. Cause it makes me want to return to church and sit lost in the back. I have to know what she looks like before she opens her mouth to sing. I bet she is beautiful and skinny. I have to figure it out on my own at all costs, even if I have to give a talk. Just so I can face the congregation. Please do not let the bishop hear my thoughts and assign me a topic.....

old post of mine

july 10, 2005 on my livejournal;
Worst saying females say.."MEN ARE SUCH DOGS." Men are not dogs. They are worse than dogs. They drool like dogs and want to hump everything they cannot eat. Dogs are loyal and they come when you call them. Men only come if they call you !

getting soft

I want the wind to blow in the warm bright days of summer...Hello impatiently waiting !It was not my intention to run into my ex-girlfriend at the casino last weekend. Well she ran into me. I was glad to see tears running down her face when I turned around to see who had called me by name. Hope...my perfect alibi at one time. Well with the evil twist. She and I use to see each other over the years before I figured out I like dick. And instead of just being my best friend and enjoying the view.. she turned on me. She went to my boyfriend and slept with him after she told him I had cheated on him. Which I guess I did, with her. Does it count really if he is in jail for a year ? Or if she is just using you..so she would be able to borrow some of your best clothes? I don't know and I don't care. Like I told her you both can have my sloppy seconds. Anyway I did something I swore I would never do..I forgave her. Not really to her face or anything but inside of me. I do not have time for a bitter war. I think about him less and less. I guess I am getting soft. Or maybe I am just getting closer to the front of the line and I don't want to lose my place by going back to where I have been. Cause if the truth be told I think of Cap as a best friend and I know that I have not met the love of my life yet. So I choose to stay in line and hope for a taste of whatever it is we are all waiting for..while we all stand still. Anyway also today went to the beauty place and had my eyebrows done and a manicure. Cassidy had a manicure as well. She only got on my nerves 37 times today, trying to tickle me. I hate being tickled. And we just got back from wal-mart and are watching avatar again. Mom paid $59 for some conditioner for my hair, excuse me but that is crazy isn't it?

flight

Today was nothing more than a blur..driving down a road destination unknown. Woke pretty early from childhood dreams only to find adult situations awaiting me. After I got dressed and figured out the items that had sold on ebay and where they had to go and off the the races we go. Social security office was a breeze. Was done and finished in ten minutes. Then all of a sudden I found myself at Macy's in the dressing room trying clothes on. They were having a big sale and when all was said and done I got a couple new outfits including a bra..a good one. Ah so my breasts will have lift and cleavage, the deep valley that so many eyes seem to get lost in. I got this one top that is so hot on me that I just looked at myself in the full length mirror and just exhaled... smiling. That is until I remembered that I don't have anyone to wear it for. And then after my mom and I were done trying to fit me together we jumped in her ride and pulled up to Panda Express. mmmmhhhhh good !! The orange chicken was excellent and did I mention the food was good... There is nothing like a full belly and a full bag of new tricks (clothes) to make a girl feel special. Then we jump in for the long ride back to Moscow. Only to get all the way home and then we decided that yes we will meet cassidy at the casino at 6 pm for pickup. yes she is now in the living room watching tooth fairy. The Rock is soo good looking-WOW I want one ! I had four slices of pizza cause I am trying to make sure that no man will find me attractive in the future. The things I do to avoid a broken heart. I was staring out the window today trying to not freak out on how much longer or ask ..are we there yet>? And my eyes began to focus on something standing still above the ground. The closer we got to this dark spot the more excited I got. I began to fidget and then this peaceful calm enveloped my whole body as every inch of my attention tried to find something wrong with this picture. Nothing was wrong with any of it, in fact the taste of it will only tempt my hunger. It was a big black tailed hawk....gliding.

taste my chocolate cake..with frosting

Wow I lost my temper only once today, but it was a full blown nuclear event evacuation.. people. My mother and I had alot of things to get done today and we started the farthest away from home, which was wal-mart. Anyway we are in there in the photo department and she tells me not to move. She is going to run out to her suv and get her camera so we can make sure the memory card we get is the right one. Well I wait and wait and still I wait and then I say fuck it and go out to the parking lot and she is gone. I try not to lose it.. knowing she must have run home to grab the camera even though I am the one who put it in her purse before we left. I wait by the front doors for another 45 minutes and leave the cart and start walking home. I am so mad I start crying these big alligator tears, my feelings are so hurt. I had walked maybe a mile before she picks me up and she has no apology for me...to soothe my madness away. No she decides that I deserve lunch where she chooses. Anyway needless to say I bit my tongue and ate my tacos and off we went at a breakneck pace. I now have I.D and tomorrow we go to Lewiston so I can get my social security card. I am not sure how long I am going to stay this time. She cuts me off from others. No that is on me. I rarely stand up for myself cause mother knows best, I guess? Anyway one thing about my day that is just me being kris is how i love to lie in bed while there is stuff waiting to be done. I love to lay sprawled out half naked with a pillow stuffed under my head and a book (eragon) perched under my nose. I love stretching and rolling around like I am in the water or something while the clock ticks away like the heartbeat of my ex-lover. Which I don't give a shit about anyway..let it wait. I swear sometimes I feel sleep stuck in my big toe, trying to work it's way out. Yawn and that ain't even mentioning the sex dreams that start to tickle my mind like a long french feather..

what matters most..

I looked and read the trash I wrote when I found the time to sit still long enough to blog. It is the dark matter that bothers me the most, cause that is not what I am about, is it? I know and understand that life is about the good and the bad. It is about the balance between night and day. Of finding something to hold onto before we go away. It is about screaming in rage and trembling with fright. It is about the games we play and the secrets we keep. It is about forgiving ourself for not giving up on the things that we should and fingering doubt as we lie awake in bed. It is for not believing in love and squeezing it tight. For not letting it grow into a beautiful thing, cause we don't want to lose it..whatever the cost. For breathing in the sweet taste of life and not getting lost in the dream.
Life is about chocolate cake and holding hands, fruity pebbles with plenty of milk. And smiling at men with that sensual grin. For waiting in line and not eating all your food. For popping your zits before they burst and walking in the rain. Crying at movies and wiping your nose on the sleeve of your shirt. Leaving the lights on when you fool around and yelling at cars as you race down the road. Cause the idiots need to know who has the right of way..which is you of course. It is for not giving a shit about what people think. It is about .."last call for alcohol" and throwing up in the drain. It is all about looking up at the stars and howling insane by the light of the silvery moon. It is about my sailor mouth and the way that I walk and my love for tight fitting jeans It is about falling down and waiting around for someone to hold out a hand to help you up. It is about chasing your dog when he gets loose and getting your children off the school. It is about dirty clothes and dishes that you hide out of sight. It is impossible to say what else I love ....oh yeah good health and not wearing a bra and being insane...

the chair of strife

Look what the chair caught..a beautiful part of me ! My daughter and I were trying to get the back patio/porch area picked up before we moved out the umbrella and new chairs. But like a venus flytrap this is what I found. the weekend was pretty good even after we got to the casino in cda. We put on our swimsuits and ventured out the door. Down the stairs and by the frontdesk, ignoring all the stares. I was having a good looking day and I tried to put off swimming as long as I could..but my little girl would not be swayed. Damn my luck I swore all the way, not realizing she had saved me from myself til later in the night. Of course we were the only ones at the pool even though it was not dark outside. Everyone was sitting up with lady luck whispering in their ear..play the odds again. Fuck that I would rather play with myself where the mermaids like to stay. The most cutest thing of the visit was when my little queen came around the corner while I was in the shower with her hands upon her hips. "Cassidy bring me a towel" I hollered as I reached out for empty space. She just smiled and turned to poise and I choked the laughter down. My 9 year old had stuffed paper towels into the place where her boobs would grow about 5 years from now. hahha Anyway she is back in spokane now and i cannot wait to see her soon so she can test my patience in every way before I run her home.