on borrowed time...

what on borromed time..who is in charge of that ? I want to know cause i want my money back. Time is something that we all have in common it shapes us and makes us, and breaks us down. It consumes us like protein and how we digest is upto us. Time is not important in it's attempt to contain us with it's illusions of say um love or joy. It flies by if you are not smart enough to slow it down and savor each tiny bite. It lives inside our memory and shares itself when we dream. I think time is not as frightening to me at this time of my life. At times i feel so weary ..road weary and just want to head back home to my father's house where all the angels roam. Least my bra would fit and a song would feed my step. Time is a thing of beauty and a relic of death. one is the other and i for one will recover before all is said and done

the muse...

if my muse could please step forward..or maybe two steps back.
before disrobing and rubbing my back :)

appraisal...

So the guy is coming to appraise the house tomorrow which means my mom has soo much stuff for us to get busy on...But is also list a 1000 free items on ebay day, so in the meantime doing that for her as well. This morning when i was walking to work and i was getting ready to cross the street by Rosaurs this old lady rolled down her window and informed me it is not a smart idea to be walking with wet hair hehe. Okay lady it is a smarter idea not to be late for work though. But my face is chafed from the cold wind on my face and now my dry skin is flaking ...very attractive. Had to try this top on just cause. It is a couple miles to walk to and from work everyday and damn if my right leg is charlie horsing in the middle of the night. and you know what i say about it? fuck shit damn batman where is robin to rub it out.. gotta go help mom

the price...

I was trying not to immerse myself in hot water...but dammit sometimes i try not to understand where it is i fit in with my mom. I know the love she should have for me is not there no matter how i try to change that. I cannot blame anyone but myself for throwing my hands up in the air and returning back to where i have been after spending time not mattering at all. At least my ex has contempt for me. Why is it that everytime i run home i start to suffocate from the lack of oxygen? I run i always do cause it hurts so bad and i should have known better ever to return ..i should have known. when i lost my food card i had to ask my mom honestly... am i allowed to be here if you don't have my food card? cause i really didn't think so. I list auctions for my mother and she has made thousands, but it is her things not mine and i cannot be greedy or expect anything because i live here free right? there is a hundred going on right now and for each one that is twenty minutes downloading pictures describing the item and doing the measurements and of course taking the pictures and when i first came back i asked mom if i went to church with her i would need a skirt or dress or something. anything would do i had a plain black skirt that was her in my hand i had picked from the closet in the room i stay in. she took it out of my hands like i had mud all over me and rolled her eyes and shook her head like what was i seriously thinking and then got mad at me because she had to waste her time finding me something suitable to wear out of hundreds of outfits. i waited with a sinking heart with my head down telling myself that the skirt must have been sentimental to her or something. I am now 45 years old and she came back and gave me a skirt that i use to wear when i was in high school that she made herself. it was ugly and didn't fit i know cause i went to try it on in the bathroom so she could not see the tears dropping on the floor. anything i touch in her eyes is foul and not worthy of her interest any longer. We go to the second look bookstore and i know better than to ask my mom for anything ever.. and i am lost in history and i am jolted by the fact that the rise of theodore roosevelt is in stock. it took me forever to read that book all those years back it was even fatter than shogun but i pull it down cause it is familiar and i feel so out of place constantly. i open it and blam ..kris bell aka miwokdreamer is written on the inside cover like i do with all my hardbacks and i get so mad i cannot bring it up i keep looking and found 6 more of my hardbooks there. My precious books she promised me i could store in the shed are not where i thought they were why..because nothing about me matters enough to keep her word.i bring it up later and it is like oh kris i just didn't have enough room and i forgot to tell you.no sorry or nothing. I do so around the house just as much as she does if not more and she takes one hundred dollars out of each paycheck which is fine also to help pay for the rent. Only thing is now she is a month behind and she acts like it is my fault i don't know what is going on. if i want something that hasn't sold the 3 or 4 times we listed it i have to pay cash for it. I just don't feel good about myself. If i have a friend call or say i am going to go to the movies she tells me ...oh no kris that is not a good idea and end of story. i am ready to smile again instead of feel like i am taking advangtage of her all the time i don't know why she has never cherished me like she does my sisters or my daughters but i really do i just needed her to help me figure it out- THAT I AM A PIECE OF SHIT AND I AM NOT WORTH THE AIR I BREATHE. gotta go back and get the floors steamed cleaned and everything ready for the inspection tomorrow since the house sold and she is busy. sometimes i want to scream to the heavens what did i do to deserve this ? but i know the answer-I WAS BORN

in regard to my family...

dysfunctionality runs rampant through our veins...just like alcohol poisons the blood of every indian. we are a unit and we are not a unit. we are like pieces of a puzzle that is scattered all over the living room floor. and nobody even tries to make the time or effort to pick up all the pieces and put back in the box.

in jealousy..

before i knew of her treachery
adulteress betrayl
before i cut her out of my life
and threw her in the trash
she was a part of me
i forgot to watch
i was jealous
when she kissed your lips
i could not reach
or caressed your face
when i wasn't looking
she seduced the wind
my hair fell in love with you first

migraine on steroids..

migraine on steroids means my head is throbbing and to help myself feel better i decided to make homemade scones with strawberry jam and cool whip mmhh you know the 5000 calorie a bite scone ? While i was getting all the ingredients together i came across that lost shard of glass my mom couldn't find when she broke the juice cup yesterday morning.. Yep my foot found it and the blood just flowed everywhere and in a funny way that made me feel better ...hehe blood loss go figure ! Work went by in a flash i had 17 rooms and the first door i tried to open my card key wouldn't work so i tried it on four other doors eight times each. then i went down to the office and instead of having them recode the key i traded for another one cause i had wasted so much time trying to pick the lock. Anyway i get all the way back to the third floor and the newer one refuses to work on 303 so my boss decides to show up and let me in.. the first thing i always do is flush the toilet turn on the exhaust in the bathroom before i go throw open the curtains and open the window. I am staring out the window thinking coffee or pop and i hear this noise and i turn and the toilet must have overflowed from the exact moment i turned my back you should have seen me go OH FUCKING SHIT. I run all the way to the other end of the motel and the plunger is not there it was on the second floor. All i can say is after the multi towel cleanup that floor was just shine shine shine.

I decided once again to try to blog at least every other day cause it helps me deal with my day. I don't know if it is a mormon thing but i have always kept journals ever since i can remember. I use to label them book of shadows-summer 2006 etc only so people would not snoop. i have placed a few rules on writing to help me not to be a dark cloud. Generalization when it comes to negative vibes or people who have pissed me off of hurt my feelings. I might say like...my day was headed downhill from the first knock on the door and it is only natural if you feel yourself going under that you grab onto whoever is close by to keep your head above water. which basically translated means i was a bitch to everyone. when it comes to love i feel it is all right to document anything that is going to make you cry in years to come with the sweetness of what is no more. metaphors are like my biggest folly and so is melancholy...wow it is like i have peace now i have been to the mountain and enjoyed the sight and came back down on my own on the other side and let's just say i am okay with my self
This is my new dream warrior stud sizzling hot sex toy who leads me in and out of dream land ..needless to say wow i am yawning tired as i blog guess i better head for bed

hand in hand...

It is virtually impossible to think of myself as alone. It is like i have the future pulling me forward with my left hand and me stuck in the middle and of course i can't rush into the great unknown without pulling the past with me to watch my back.

memory banks...

Once I find myself at work it seems my mind is set free by the restraints placed upon my body after i clock in. Even though i am going through the motions of housekeeping my mind some how has forgotten that i don't give a fuck about how the world operates outside of my domain. Yesterday was thanksgiving which was a little boring but mighty tasty if you throw in the nap i saved for last on my plate...all before all of us females ended up at breaking dawn. I LOVED IT !!Anyway last week as i was wiping out showers my mind told me in a sarcastic voice ..."love is like conditioner-it helps smooth out the tangles or rough patches in life" I know the only reason i was given that bold statement is because at the hotel i work for it is only shampoo baby!
Okay also one of my favorite reads of all times is edgar cayce, i know alot of his work is hard to follow but i have always tried to read it anyway and let my subconscious digest it at it's own pace. i don't even know how to put this in words but my mind was going a million miles a moment ...spinning like the big wheel on let's make a deal. Do you believe in time travel or different dimensions of the same space.? I don't really cause it is not something i can grasp with a mind like mine. For some reason i picked up the old family bible and turned to ezekial 10:14...AND EVERYONE HAD FOUR FACES; THE FIRST FACE WAS THE FACE OF A CHERUB, AND THE SECOND FACE, WAS THE FACE OF A MAN, AND THE THIRD THE FACE OF A LION AND THE FOURTH THE FACE OF AN EAGLE.and chapter 21..
EVERYONE HAD FOUR FACES APIECE AND EVERY ONE FOUR WINGS; AND THE LIKENESS OF THE HANDS OF A MAN WAS UNDER THEIR WINGS..and verse 17...WHEN THEY WENT , THEY WENT UPON THEIR FOUR SIDES AND THEY TURNED NOT WHEN THEY WENT. AS FOR THEIR RINGS THEY WERE SO HIGH THAT THEY WERE DREADFUL AND THEIR RINGS WERE FULL OF EYES ROUND ABOUT THEM FOUR. verse 24 AND WHEN THEY WENT I HEARD THE NOISE OF THEIR WINGS LIKE THE NOISE OF GREAT WATERS AS THE VOICE OF THE ALMIGHTY. FOR THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVING CREATURE WAS IN THE WHEELS.
To me that could be an international committee because you have to remember one thing as far back as time recalls ..the bible is based on the view or views of someone who is trying to describe or explain it in their terms or as far as their mind is able to grasp it..what if each of the faces is like on a helmet say the eagle representing the united states and the lion is who china or russia? A cherub face would be a female face full of love right? or it wouldn't be a cherub or maybe young..who frigging knows. Back to Edgar Cayce when he would speak of accessing the universal mind when it came to where the knowledge came from. It was neither good or bad it just was..google it and blam there it was!

animal garden....

My first paycheck awaits my arrival for pickup..am going to find the wettest lip gloss to adorn my lips so they can be kissable. Cause i can kiss this check goodbye but that is okay seeing how it has been so long since i had a legal income to call my own. Anyway suppose to be getting addresses off the ebay list for shipping to their destination..have got columbia CT 06237....palisade, CO 81526-9719..allison park, PA 15101...fairbanks, AK 99710-0328 and last englishtown NJ 07726-1628. wow it takes me forever to type out the numbers on this keyboard i need a secretary just like the one on the uss enterprise with the sexy female voice even though i am a lover of men men men.

my toe curler...

What a day i like to say..regardless of the circumstances :) Work is like my new best friend and boyfriend at the same time. How can a girl get soo lucky ? I look forward to my housekeeping job at the super 8 for whatever reason is beyond me. I say don't question it kris if you don't hate it yet, right? Yes that is affirmative ghostrider...Tomorrow is my first paycheck and part of me is excited and part of me wishes we only got paid once a month. I have never made minimum wage not at the postal service or at the casino..but there are no other jobs anywhere. So i am happy for the chance to work and be a part of the adult world. One thing to note today though- my tooth in the back bottom which had a root canal and was capped or crowned whatever it cost over or close to 800 dollars anyway broke maybe 2 weeks ago and what is the first thing it does boys and girls? It gets infected and it got so bad and was just jostling round that i thought i could pull it out myself. What was i thinking. I have no brain. In fact next time someone goes to see the great oz i would like to trail along. Anyway it is the mormon thing. The dentist my calls is in our ward or something but since i now work every sunday i cannot place him. Anyway i go and wow he is like way young but nice and cool. I got x-rays, a cleaning and my tooth pulled (he tried with just the local stuff they put on your gum cause it was the post that was holding on but ahhhhhhhhhh ouch ! Anyway he got it out and it so curled my toes bad. I am probably going to need counselling with all the blood and pulling visuals. Anyway i was brave and never complained and when i finally stood up at the front desk with my little bag of extras like the floss and the toothbrush etc. I was handed over my script for antibiotics and my bill was nothing, zip notta !!

the perfect outfit..

Work keeps me busy for most of the day and the cold in the air seems to freeze my energy flow. Thank goodness for hot coffee, mmhh Anyway keep looking through my closet whenever i can find the time and same with the dressers that hold my clothes. It is like i feel like i am forgetting something that is a part of who i am and i think that it must just be the subconscious side kick that wants to be heard. ( or maybe felt). I use to have this pair of skin tight jeans that were my lucky lucky get my way charm pants. And whenever i wore them it was like complete strangers would compliment me ..well thinking back it was always guy strangers hehe. Maybe it was because i believed in the power of booty more than i believed in myself. Oh my Gosh I think i have just had an adult moment with that last sentence. Anyway back to the plan...the perfect outfit i put together and laid out on my bed. The shelf life will last me for the rest of my life-just like a pair of levi's. What deadly combination did i come up with to be the bell of the ball( hehe bell)? This is the outfit I am going to wear out ....and it goes with everything !
proverbs 31:25
STRENGTH AND HONOUR ARE HER CLOTHING and she shall rejoice in time to come

bootcut rhinestone jeans..

This is actually the second time around for these as the first buyer decided not to acknowledge any of the items she had bid on. Alot of the items we do list we offer the Buy it Now so even though we have alot of items of for sale it may appear like we have no business cause there are no bids but that is soo wrong. Once they hit the buy it now the auction is over and it is gone off the site. Am lost somewhere on ebay got close to 100 listings and more that need to go up. but my fingers seems to cramp up like i have carpal tunnel syndrome and i know it ain't from um never mind on that sexual remark..um that's it i am fired ..after this item up for bid...

Hello you are bidding on a pair of Quacker Factory 5 pocket bootcut stretch jeans,size medium. The inside label reads 97% cotton and 3% spandex and are machine wash cold-inside out. You get a bootcut style with the back elastic on the waist and i come up with approx 31 inches all the way around.These jeans are going to be your new best friends ladies for two reasons they stretch and the bling! The inseam is approx 29 inches. You get a button and front fly enclosure and you get the rhinestone bling of the twinkling kind ..i thank you for looking and offer free shipping

Kevlar...

If someone wants to protect their heart from pain and death they strap on a kevlar vest right ? The bullet proof kind. but if someone wants to protect there self from love what do they strap on ? I know do you? Why do i have open ended conversations with myself that is soo pitiful kris. I was actually shaking my head in disappointment, at myself and caught my reflection in mirror and like a good song one thing led to another and before I knew it i started doing that heavy metal- hip hop- exotic dancer-stripper sideshow stopper and I was like WOW I FEEL LIKE TIPPING MYSELF IT WAS THAT GOOD. Okay maybe not THAT good but good enough to bring the house down at ..say the rainbow in spokane. heheh Where all the strippers are at least 35 with big butts and little boobs. Worked a full day and kept trying to talk myself into remembering that one song from Sleater Kinney ....that goes my baby loves me doooo dooo something like that damn will have to visit you tube again. That trip or vacation to Oregon all so we could make out in that little tiny tent...Anyway note to myself 3 MORE DAYS TIL BREAKING DAWN I CANNOT WAIT. I would like to report in to myself that i am doing just fine without him in my life. Actually it is better than that after 5 years with that lifestyle of misery I am almost all better. I rarely think about him or miss him much at all. It took me leaving on my own for me to get past all the roadblocks and hurdles he had put in my path. I see smooth sailing from where i sit now. Part of me is joyous like a child and part of me is like looking over my shoulder as my foot starts to tap.(happy tapping that makes me wanna dance around all happy and free :) singing look at me

So this picture is my futile attempt at humor..snapped it last summer on the way to uniontown
i stated that i would bring the house down heh but since this is idaho
closest thing is the barn

road signs...

spotter...

This kachina I like to call the spotter. I had him listed on ebay over a year ago and I had to have him. I think it was about $20 dollars. He just grows and grows on me like a stepchild. He is a sunface but to me it looks like he is hiding from the world behind a flower..hehe a wooden flower. well cleaned rooms crazy at work all day yesterday with father's weekend going on at university of idaho and walked the two miles home and came home and cleaned for 3 hours so the realtor could show the house today. My fingers are sore and just worked for last 20 minutes getting all the rooms vacuumed now my mom is actually waiting in the car for me and i don't even have my foundation on so we can stop off at the recycle center before i go to work for the day. rushing me is not a good thing shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

the indian sweater..

Hello this is for a Cowichan sweater, size large child or small adult. When my father was stationed in Canada many many years ago (NATO)..my mother had one of the local indians who lived there knit one for each of us. It was all done by hand. They are very attractive as well as tribal for that native look. The lanolin in the wool repels the rain and the collar flips up to weather the wind. The zipper has big teeth and works perfectly & there are two side pockets to keep the hands nice and snug. These sweaters can last a lifetime. Armpit to armpit is 23 inches across and the length is approx 25 inches. Measuring from the inside of the armpit seam all the way to the cuff of the sleeve is approx 15 inches. I thank you for looking and free shipping is included.


Now to the good stuff..when your father is an officer in the united states navy you develop gypsy blood to help you deal with starting over again and again. If it weren't for my sister julie I would have had soo many anxiety attacks daily just because i was soo shy. My sister was a grade behind me and that definetly guaranteed i would have someone to sit with at lunch. We lived in Victoria British Columbia and i remember that everyone had inhalers for asthma. And as long as you had your parents permission you could enter the smoker's room inside the school building !! I wonder if they still do allow smoking since the world is so anal now about second hand smoke. Export A's or Player's Light was my personal favorite. Everything is in Metric except for bra sizes. I was not very popular cause of my shyness ..Julie on the other hand was fire prevention princess and probably dating the quarterback of the football team and she loved me and tried to include me all the time. Thank god for that younger sister bravado that gives you the strength to pass on curling and to pass on steak and kidney pie hehe. We lived there when Charles and Diana were married. I am one of those Diana freak fans...I adored her just like the whole population over in that neutral territory. School was terribly hard and french was mandatory til 9th grade ! Mandatory like English is here. Ha i was there for 8th and 10th grade. Wow and anglais anglais and bonjour booger face eh.

this is a picture of my sister julie all grown up , standing to the left.And her daughter.. Kasey who is navy and my mom and my sister Lisa at her graduation from basic training. Alphas everyone damn one :)

counting coup...

Knowing what I want and where to find it are worlds apart in the global sense. How come I need the sunshine kissing my flesh with it's warmth of life to soothe the fear inside of me ? When all i crave is the darkness of my room? If there really is an invisible line drawn in the earth separating good from evil than I am fucked. My feet are in both worlds and having a foot on both sides is solid ground for me. Only when I am gliding in the water like a bird in the sky am I really free. It is like I am safe in the womb. I have said most of my life that the light at the end of the tunnel is the delivery room. I refuse to be lost until I am found. I can't do it....because it don't look good on me. If there is one way not to be depressed it is to reflect on the little things like the um trying to think hard here..Anyway the moral thing to do in any relationship is if you don't really love someone the correct thing to do is to set them free and maybe someone else will be able to love them the way they need to be loved right ? I have been on both sides of that. But I am lucky that even though i have an ex-husband or two that I just could not give all of myself away. Maybe that was on me but i know that i have not had the love of my life. Notice I said have not had. I did not say have not met. He has kids and she has kids and they have kids together..life passes through so many of us quickly and it reminds me of a game called hot potato we use to play when i was in elementary. Yes i have kissed many frogs and toads but not open mouth :)It is not that i fear being alone i just get frustrated going thru the motions of the aftermath of the letdown after the attraction you know what i mean kris? It is like when you first meet someone you want to spend days and nights with ...to fall in love with that once you come together as a couple that is the strongest you will be and the rest of your relationship is falling out of love. Just how it goes boys and girls at least for me. So I promise myself that i will not be taking applications for fuck toys anymore cause i am better than that. By the way there is more important things than sex ...like sleep.

all wound up..

I thought i smelled winter in the breeze that was working for me ... blowing off all the leaves that had gathered on the front stoop today. Every year I use to make my daughter climb this treacherous path behind my old residence in spokane and we would collect every kind of leaf we could find. Sometimes we would spraypaint the big ones gold just to keep her interest. I have always been the kinda mom that instead of heading to silverwood amusement park or to one of the huge malls I would drag my kids to an ancient cedar grove down a long dirt road on some forgotten strip of land in bum fuck idaho. Or to an ancient riverbed just so i could stick my toes in the icy water ...so that my nipples would pop out.. I mean what other reason would we journey soo far away from the city? Now my girls don't like to get in my vehicle if they don't know the destination in advance. This summer i am calling a family gathering and we will head up to laird park to pick huckleberries like i use to growing up. I love huckleberry pie almost as much as i love cola slurpees. Oh hell i forgot about the cola slurpee clause. Fuck shit damn guess we can't move to far away from the city or i won't get my slurpee fix. It has been my medicine for sickness, bad moods, bad days, and just about anything that could ever bring me down goes away when i start sucking that baby down. I mean my ( not taking lords name in vain )mother nature what is the matter with youth today? They are soo busy being distracted that they fail to notice the little things. In Kansas City besides chiggers and your occasional ticks there were things that were user friendly like catching fire flies in mayonnaise jars. And crushing up the body to rub on your skin makes it glow wanna know how i know? my kids showed me

spins of the way...i spent my day

Just got back from Worley to pick up my daughter for the weekend and it was such a long ride back especially with the daylight savings thing officially kicked in.. It is dark when I get up and dark when I get home. But the moon is full and oh so bright tonight. I was never really into the full moon madness thing ...no i'm more of your typical mermaid water whore type. Now I wish more than anything that I had made the trip to spring valley to float on my back as i stare up at the sky..and watch the ospreys fly above me in circles. One good thing about Idaho is if you ain't got a swimsuit sometimes a colored bra will suffice Believe it or not some of the men fishing at the reservoir only care about one thing - catching a fish. I mean what the fuck ! The world doesn't revolve around me ? This post is going nowhere. Just not in the mood. Will say i had a good day. Work tomorrow and worked today. There was some damage to my person - two broken fingernails and a happy happy heart. Smiling as I think back to the painter in room 105 who did a triple double take when he opened his door and walked out in the hall and almost bumped into my smile. hehe victim

main course..

I dream of you beside me
my arm tucked on your chest
anchoring us together
while we play in our dreams
I sense your invisibility
in the smile on your face
Sitting down beside me
at the table where we eat
I feed off your eyes
as they stare back at me
so full of love
that i won't ever have to eat

the fringed cape..

The only way to relax my mind enough to actually blog is to pick something off my player's list..So flipping thru all the listings on ebay....and STOP !
Okay not going to be unprofessional and tell the real world that i tried this on..i had to- i have this craving for leather and this cape caught my attention faster than a shooting star. I tend to see things different as far as my wardrobe is concerned, but that is not my fault . That is just what happens when a girl starts to dance at the Shady Lady . But that was so long ago that we did not even have poles back then hehe and i don't mean fishing poles... let's just say the fringe started playing with me. That just sounds alot more sexy cool. I love leather fringe..and i had to try it on. And once i tried it on i started spinning in circles trying to see how high up i could lift up the fringe . good thing it wasn't a skirt cause everyone would know what color my underwear is.... Wow i need to go on a date or something huh? No I am fired from center stage. My first day at my new job went smooth as barbed wire :) Housekeeping at the Super 8 and I actually love it soo far anyway. Okay ole lady back to the fashion world of my mother's closet..

Hello ladies you are bidding on a brand new "Terry Lewis" suede cape, one size fits all. The inside label reads Missy. SHELL is 100% leather and the LINING is 100% polyester and is dry clean by leather method only.The fringe on the bottom of this cape measure approx 8 inches in length. There are three toggles in the front and the inside is lined. The length is approx 28 inches (to the bottom of cape only). The length all the way to the end of the fringe is approx is 36 inches. This has never been worn or tried on (hehe just for a few spins) and tags are on. Ready for adventure or misadventure this will help take you there..I do offer free shipping and i thank you for looking

pulse..

The relationship between a mother and a daughter is simply put..um wait a second i think i am going to be smarter than the average bear and give an example. Yesterday I wanted to go to the library soo bad and my mom knew. I asked three times and all I got was the occasional eye roll.I said to her very politely ( because she hadn't refused me yet) why ? She looked up from her kindle and said she had every book she could ever want to read right there at her fingertips and she was almost purring content like a kitty cat. And as her daughter ..we can't have that! Until I had moved back home with my mom I had not been that familiar with the toys in the electronic world like the kindles and garmins that everybody seems to have adopted into their dysfunctional families. So my mom was always staring into her electronic bookpad that she was always uploading fresh stories into and that was three step back into the unfamiliar world of not being around people for me. The library was a source of nourishment for my peace of mind and human contact. So what if there are nerds at the library they are human beings and i keep forgetting there are any humans left in the world..my mind is tapping my fingers relentlessly on the kitchen counter and my thoughts start spinning like the big wheel on wheel of fortune . And suddenly it fades and that little bookpad could cross the pornographic line of decency and who knows it could house a virtual computer generated sex kitty or slave. Wait a second for being distracted ..hold on be right back. Gotta talk to santa....."OKAY BIG GUY NUMBER FOUR ON MY MUST HAVE PLEASE LIST IS A COMPUTER GENERATED VIRTUAL SEX PET OF THE NATIVE WARRIOR STUD KIND...THAT LIVES IN MY BOOKPAD ..YEAH MY FANTASY BOOKPAD .um have the elfs work on it k?
Okay so where was I before my mind was led astray...oh wait i see it there i am walking down a gravel road slowly back to my reality. gravel road is like a cold shower for me.And now to top things off my punchline is not going to work as planned since i got sidetracked with the sex on the brain thing...damn girl
Anyway my mom was telling me in that sugar sweeter than I voice...see it is soo cool it is totally simple and it is all contained right here and wanna see how the pages turn?
"Stupid so you have to have a powersource and you have to have the bookpad to access your library right? " She just glowered and beamed happily totally bought on it all..and stated "well yeah but you are also helping to save the trees and you are saving all the space that books take up"
So once again my dark haired blond status rose up and took up the fight..."well what if there was an electromagnetic pulse would it work then?"

faux bobcat fur..

just finished listing this item on ebay and am headed straight for carnival shootout at king games...so clearing my throat again and will try not to spit like a man..hehe was kinda watching titantic earlier can you tell ?

Hello this is a brand new Dennis Basso washable...reversible satin to faux fur coat, size large. The inside label reads large & made in china. But the tags that are attached read "Due to the natural characteristics of this faux fur, slight shedding is normal and to be expected. The other bigger tag is sealed in plastic and feels like back up buttons in the paper sleeve. Armpit to armpit across is approx 26 inches across and the length is approx 31 1/2 inches. This Dennis Basso Coat gives you two hot looks to warm up your winter whichever way you want. It is kinda like the "I am a little bit country" or the "I'm a little bit rock and roll" medley Donnie and Marie Osmond use to sing. Wear it satin side out for the water resistant flare that will keep you warm and dry and comfy with the faux fur kissing your skin. Or reverse it for the drama after dark look and prowl right in.It has a zip front with logo pull, faux fur convertible collar and cuffs, two front welt pockets, and has an A-line Silhouette. It has never been worn or tried on with tags on. I do offer free shipping as well.


...am using my best southern drawl coo of a voice- singing I AM A LITTLE BIT COUNTRY

the shuffle...

This is me ..metaphorical in every sense of the word. I feel like there is so much more than just me on the outside. I feel like a mother and that my heart is the child- she holds in her arms. Not a baby ....the child.
Time for a new train of thought cause i just want to snuggle up in my mommy's hair and get lost in the sound of her voice. I know it is time to let go of everything and walk out into the light. To start over is not the right word now is it ? Because looking back over my mother's shoulder i see alot more than i am willing to admit. Where i am is where i brought myself because i chose to. I feel like i have been playing musical chairs for a long time and maybe i became lost in the song as well as the game. It is the shuffle of feet and faces that i allowed into my circle that trapped me. All the late nights of love with faces never seen had me wondering who had my back. I surrounded myself with the restless predators because i thought they would protect me from myself. What an idiot i was. But not anymore. I had inside my circle the one that i wanted, the one that i had, the one that i hated, the one that i loved, the one that i used, the one that used me (X3), the one that amused me, the one that i tormented because i didn't like myself, the one that adored me, the one that fathered my child, the one that fed my brain, the one that liked to take care of me, and the one that made me laugh, the one that would listen and the one that was shy, the kid who would do all the chores that i had, the one who would this and the one who was that ...all of them moving around the chairs while i just sat on my ass.

I AM NOW EMPLOYED AS OF AN HOUR AGO I START WEDNESDAY AT 8 AM YAHOO

bear with the blues...

Damn i was looking up badger fetishes on ebay trying to research what we are going to be listing and i got side tracked...I WANT HIM SOO BAD. I am in love 100% percent. Honey Bear Fetish is what this is listed under but I renamed it Bear with the blues...

storybook knits..

am right in the middle of a crappy weekend and it is all i can do to get my daughter off the computer long enough to do anything online..so basically what has been going on with me? started in more ways than one hehe. Finished another most excellent novel the Sanctus and must say was one of those books you don't put down until it is all done. That was what happened yesterday i read the last page and looked around and couldn't remember what day it was. So with all these supernatural books and stories i have read of late i looked through all my books and decided on something by Frank Waters BOOK OF THE HOPI (which i am to the Tokpa or second world chapter) Oh and did i mention have a job interview yeahhhhhhhhh

Hello you are bidding on a Quacker Factory sweater size large. The inside label reads..."Black & White Floral". It is 55% ramie and 45% cotton and is hand wash cold. Armpit to armpit is approx 24 1/2 inches across and the length is approx 26 inches. This cardigan has a v-neckline and the cuffs and bottom hem is trimmed with a crochet black and white floral design. The tags are still on and has never been worn or tried. I do offer free shipping so if you get the chance pls check out my other listings and thanks for looking

eternal breath for immortalality

Okay two nights okay as I was laying on my bed trying to reflect on something besides myself I felt my nanny beside me and even though i wasn't praying at the time ..my heart became full of eternal longing. The question remains the same or is it the answer remains the same? I thought to myself if i could ask god one question what would it be ? I felt or rather heard my nanny's voice whisper in my ear.."you only get to heaven on the arms of those you help" OR " when you pray you must never ask for anything for yourself". I rolled over and finished my book Queen of the Orcs and didn't realize i had fallen asleep until i sat up and asked the pewter dragon hovering from a string of fishing line over my head. This is what i finally came up with...what brings joy to the heart of my heavenly father?
Eary this morning i became aware of the day before my eyes opened and i felt my answer form without any words or details..is that considered daydreaming ? Anyway this is i felt or saw with invisible eyes..
THAT IMMORTALITY OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS SO SIMPLE IN IT'S COMPLICITY THAT IT FALLS INTO PLACE..MAYBE.
WHEN WE ARE BORN INTO THIS DIMENSION WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT IS MOST IMPORTANT...TO INHALE
WHEN WE ARE AT THE END OF OUR LIFE REGARDLESS OF THE LENGTH OF IT ..WE EXHALE
INHALE AND EXHALE
LIFE AND DEATH
WE ARE ETERNAL
TO THE LAST BREATH
AND AS LONG AS WE LIVE AND DIE
MAYBE THAT DIVINE SPARK
THAT IS HIS
REASON WHY

and for that reason we are his breath
that gives him life to carry on and eternal joy to feel our mother earth beneath his feet. For the mother

lost in time..

Am going to have my daughter dearest dose for the weekend. I have not seen cassidy for a couple weekends now and miss her terribly. I mean who can drive me crazy with that smirk on her face and her hands on her hips in that classic cheerleader stance ? I cannot stand cheerleaders and well let's just say drummers and dancers is gonna eat up her time. This picture i found in a book i had started reading four of five years ago..the historian and i just stared at it lost in that time.. breastfeeding and working for the postal service and my booookie booo so vunerable and needful of all the services a mommy has to offer.Gotta get back over and finish multiple listings on ebay...evergreen899

shadow

These past couple of months i think i have been having strange dreams...not nightmares at least i don't think. I have never remembered my dreams . Of course daydreams and wet dreams are more of the wishful thinking kind. The wind was blowing soo hard last night as if to awaken me so i could become aware of what and where i was. But i drifted back under. I love sleep it embraces me tight and everything fades back into the book of life that is me and the great father puts me back up on the shelf for as long as he can. Knowing nothing for certain except my story is far from over. Life or reality is it real or make-believe? You know what the voice inside my chest says ? Are we the ghostshadow or the shell that hides the answer. Is it the question that never changes or the answer? I don't know anybody that is alive more than i know myself and i don't know who i really am at all and that scares me. Life is the cancer not death . All our senses and free will and we follow our heart right ? Yep we follow our heart straight to the grave. I feel the invisibility of my mother's love as the wind moves through my hair. I hear my mother's voice in the morning in the birds joyous song. I feel my fathers eyes upon me and i falter because i am soo weak and not strong. How can i feel my mother's presence strengthen me and fear his love at the same time? Because i am not where i am suppose to be or so i thought but now i know i am right on time. I believe in the spirit and i believe in the soul. I just don't know. There are so many voices saying this is what is right..and this is what it wrong. This religion of churches push me down and make me question what i know. Like i am stupid to even think about what they say or want. I know better but sometimes i feel the need to belong. But I have to pay my tithing and i am behind for all my life so now i am unclean and can't step anywhere near a temple when my parents are sealed for time and eternity. I thought God was about goodness and help and spiritual growth for all. I feel that bitter bile at the back of my throat and want to jump up and yell at them all. For every dollar i would pay to the church would you pay for that with your precious time? Because i would .Time is what we need to give not money when you don't have any to give. And I have always got time to help a stranger or even the ones i know. But what am i talking about only those who are good ..seem to know. We fear change as much as we want change. it is a circle it reminds me of a cat chasing her tail or a round- a bout right in the middle of town....that makes you want to start burning rubber- as you spin around.

ebay

any of the auctions that are on my blog are not for sale here..they are on ebay ...they are just bits and pieces things i do all day

tranquility..

have 4 or 5 things going out today and have not even started the get ready to ship mode...yawn in progress-damn that feels good !! So here is the best deal i have listed since last night, especially with christmas around the corner. If you have got daughters this would be perfect So here I am stepping up to the plate and in my best seller's voice.....


Hello this is a brand new, still in the box Marie Osmond doll.."Tranquility". Only thing is i take it out of the box to photograph it and there is a snag (like a panyhose run) on the tip of one of her butterfly wings. The snag or run is close to a half inch long. But the good thing is her wings are not attatched to the doll and just because they come with the doll doesn't mean they have to be on her..i wouldn't have thought to put them on her cause it is too much of a hassle trying to get the cords in the right spot. So i have chosen to cut the price way way down. This doll is something that will make you supermom on christmas day. She is lifelike and simply gorgeous..she has a porcelain head,arms and legs. The box she came is 15 inches by 9 1/2 inches. Her certificate of authenticity reads as follows...MARIE OSMOND IS DELIGHTED TO PRESENT A NEW SERIES OF DOLLS ENTITLED BECOMING BUTTERFLIES, WHICH EMBODIES AND REFLECTS CHARACTERISTICS NECESSARY ALONG ONE'S PATH OF ACHIEVING AND RECOGNIZING THE BEAUTY WITHIN. TRANQUILITY IS THE DEBUT DOLL WITHIN THE COLLECTION AND REPRESENTS A STATE OF BEING PEACEFUL AND CALM WITHOUT STRESS AND ANXIETY, WHICH WHEN ACHIEVED REFRESHES, UPLIFTS AND TRANSFORMS. ENJOY TRANQUILITY TODAY AND EVERYDAY.
TRANQUILITY IS TRULY A COLLECTIBLE DOLL SCULPTED BY KAREN SCOTT. SHE HAS BEEN HANDCRAFTED WITH THE SPECIAL ATTENTION TO DETAIL THAT IS THE HALLMARK OF ALL MARIE OSMOND DOLLS.
TRANQUILITY IS HALLMARKED ON THE BACK OF HER NECK WITH MARIE'S SIGNATURE AND IS HAND NUMBERED.

LIMITED EDITION # 0605/3000
CERTIFIED BY MARIE OSMOND (signature)



Pls note the reason for the drastic cut in price is for a flaw on an accessory and not the doll itself. The doll is brand new and still in the box i ordered it from qvc. All the accessories are included with the certificate of authencity. Also please remember shipping is included in the listed price...what you see is for everything straight to your door. Thanks for looking and have a good night


starting bid is $48.00
buy it now is $58.00
AND SHIPPING IS NO EXTRA CHARGE

by the foot...

okay have not been invaded by the coldness of the day..just listing away on ebay... am clearing my throat as i approach the way ...i say i say

Hello this is a pair of Birkenstock Betula sandals, size 8 ladies. The inside of this sandal reads as follows 39 5,5 250 L8 M6 BETULA ORIGINAL BIRKENSTOCK FUSSBETT BRAND SCHLE LEDER ...The tread shows little or no wear but there is a little fading on the inside right heel. These sandals are very clean and will go with anything. thanks for looking and check out my other listings as i offer free shipping..

p.s. starting bid is $28.00

my unlucky place...

okay this is a pic of my old single self surrounded by nothing that could save me or my stash of spending cash right before i went down down down to the floor at the cda casino. looking back i am soo not smiling 2 hours later that night heheh