Wednesday, August 15, 2012

sometimes is just around the corner..

i have been gone. . . victory outreach women's discipleship recovery home. good and bad. but not impossible. i am walking back to my daughters in spokane. i am high and  my ipod dies. now my walk has turned into a pain in my ass. i am talking to myself...what are you doing kris ? i wasn't that disappointed in my behavior. i was more disappointed that i had walked two miles to the dope house and dude wasn't there. it was soo friggin hot and now my destination seemed a million miles away. i mean what the hell dude ?   i tried to tell myself it was my fault again but i just didn't believe it. isn't that annoying when you know you are wrong? so i started with god. i knew he wouldn't answer me. i knew i wasn't where i was suppose to be in my life. but until i figured it why not be high ? i took a side street off of sprague and a white van full of ladies passed me and turned around. i stopped and watched a window roll down and heard...sister can we talk to you ? i looked closer and realized they weren't from here. so i responded ...YES ARE YOU LOST ?  a few of them got out and came to stand by me and asked me if i knew any women who needed a home. i looked up and recognized one of the faces. it was jenny or virginia . we hugged each other. she looked so good. she told me she was the director at victory outreach women's home. i must have looked confused. then i heard these words..kris are you tired ? i started to cry. she stepped back looked me in the face and said..only you can change it. get in the van. we will help you get clean. i would have a bed, a shower, food to eat, a home and it was free. i had a flashback in my head repeating my words in god's holy voice...ARE YOU LOST ? i was speechless. i was filled with the holy spirit and my heart started to grow warm and peace had wrapped her arms around me. i asked about my things- what about my clothes? and my daughter i had to let her know. no problem go tie up loose ends and they would come pick me up. i didn't know what to think as i watched them drive away from me. i cringed knowing they had my cell phone number. my finger started dialing 3 or 4 people to let them know what was going on since i would be in black out. i called my mother first and was soo relieved when it went to voice mail. i thanked god for that. my body started trembling and even though it was close to 9 pm and dark i kept my sunglasses on. i bawled as i walked. nothing mattered but the road to my daughter's home. i had to get there before the van pulled up. i had to round up all my rigs and get them in the trash can outside her house. i sighed as the lid came down on my fingers in my haste to get them in bye bye dumpster. i looked up and there was the white van. the slider slid open and i looked into the eyes of the women sitting inside and i smiled at them knowing these strangers were going to be my sister's. i had a family now. everything was going to be alright. i turned around and waved at my grand son and i was in.