JOHN LENNON -i sat belonely

I sat belonely down a tree,
 humbled fat and small.
A little lady sing to me
I couldn't see at all.

I'm looking up and at the sky,
to find such wondrous voice.
Puzzly puzzle, wonder why,
I hear but have no voice.

"Speak up, come forth, you ravel me",
I potty menthol shout.
"I know you hiddy by this tree".
But still she won't come out.

Such softly singing lulled me sleep,
an hour or two or so
I wakeny slow and took a peep
and still no lady show.

Then suddy on a little twig
I thought I see  sight,
A tiny little tiny pig,
that sing with all it's might.

"I thought you were a lady".
I giggle,-well I may,
To my surprise the lady,
got up-and flew away.

smile kris..

i am getting that feeling really bad. i have had no hits and man the applications i have filled out the resumes i have turned in. jack in the box called me for interviews but with all the students gone there is virtually no work. what am i suppose to do ? I have got to be able to support myself. i thought or at least hoped that if you were a good person inside and tried to make it that things might be hard but in the end you could squeeze by. tears are welling up in my eyes when i start to think about failing. i can;t fail. i won't. i can't. if i close my eyes and distract my mind by figuring out the perfect job i would want. i think it would be a cashier at the casino. not any other cause the dealers would have to deal with people losing their bets. nope the cashier cause you only get the winners. i am a winner. i want i want just shut the fuk up and quit whining kris.

ribs..

"talk about funk music boom boom bamm bang"
 death race just started -i am secretly boycotting it,
  that is just the kind of woman i am
 creme brulee is in my tummy and i am purring like a cat
the rain stopped pouring
  the roads are clean
kush in the morning netflix is annoying
oh god  let me out

blue sky..

today the sun is shining and i am basking in the glow. i am sprawled loosely all over the place. the grass has pulled me down like a lover and i ain't moving. i lie on my back staring up at the bluest sky ever found. joy joy peace has found me !! i am all about the outdoors and finding  my way to the water... the glorious water that soothes my soul. I am soo bored. fuk shit damn- i said that to a preacher once but he forgave me cause he was trying to save my soul. i saved him for another day cause today i gotta play. it is the dark that molds me with it's shadows depending on the light. besides there is soo much belief in the world that nothing makes sense. what do you hold dear to late at night ? what do you wrap around yourself to keep out the cold ? is it another body ? or your invisible cloak ?

drive to work...

early morning quiet
simplicity in tow
sitting shot-gun
smoking . .
cigarettes
driving
  down the road

such tranquility
forgotten at birth
but remembered
 somehow
  somewhere

time has pulled me
 into her down sweater
sheltering me from myself
no worries
 not nothing
except to breathe

 i had forgotten to feel
 the warmth of the sun on my face.
 that a bird could softly glide on invisible strings
or to question drops of rain
what they bring
why they fall
  to earth
I HAD MY WIPERS ON

truth..

i dare not think the truth be told... of how much i dream of love.
i dream of a pair of loving eyes... watching me as i live my life.
i dream of a pair of helping hands... to help ease my load.
i dream of kind words.... to melt my ice cold heart.

the day is slowly fading away into these big dark puddles of shadow that belong to the night. the trees are always thirsty this time of day. the insects are abuzz and the weeds are mostly pulled and strewn across the walk. the last thing to clean up just in case he should show up and see that i do some things around here like pull the weeds.the hose is wrapped and hanging   off the hook it calls home, dripping water on the ground. the neighbor's windows are bright boxes of light-lit up like christmas. i trudge inside knowing that sleep is waiting on my bed. almost time for dinner then the dishes before i head that way

vacuum.....

today while i was dancing with the vacuum it became somehow familiar this song i am waiting for to find me.. is long gone. the song about happy endings and hot sexy nights has moved on to someone younger

numb..

today i am going to keep turning in job applications all over town. it makes me wonder if i am suppose to be here if things aren't working out. how can i support myself without a job of my own. i have not a clue of which way way to go. my mind and my destiny each have a hand. they are both pulling in different directions as i am stuck in the middle. i must think positive. everyday i cannot give into crying just to soothe this ache. it is nobody's fault but my own. it is time for me to jump out of the hole i have been hiding in. i am out of options. since i am not about drugs anymore it is like i have no purpose. whenever i would go through the motions of life at the back of my mind there was always my ulterior purpose to be high. i would work and cook supper and move throughout my day knowing that if it took a week or a month that i would have money to buy dope. that i would be numb for a few hours that i would have peace. now that is no longer a priority of mine it is impossible to grasp ahold of anything that is real. being high and staying high was my whole charade. my purpose of existence. it is hard to know anything. my mind lingers on the outskirt of a dream that i held close. it is the only thing that knows me..how to hold me that calms my soul. everyone on this earth is suffering it is not fair to expect soo much for myself when all i did with my life is be high. they are two different worlds that overlap.

hammer time...

with all the living i've done all my life why can't i just a little bite of happiness now that i'm on my own ? is this the price i pay for the love i gave away ? that i just had to have ? that i am still lost inside of somewhere in the dark ? searching for a piece of me that i gave you ..while we were making love ?  when you held me captive with your eyes and your soft voice spoke my name. that is when i belonged to you.  when I heard you call my name. now you are with another and i lay in the dark. . i  am crippled and alone.  locked up in my own crazy place wondering which way to go.  always listening in the dark for your familiar knock on the door that i nailed shut.

father's day..

i want to walk thru the day in charge of how it plays out. if i found a man that i could love.. would he love me back ? cause chances are not soo good he would love me back. what is the first step in loving yourself ? is it too know what i am thinking or the use of a gorgeous body to move on thru. where are my children at ? whose child am I ? i forgot how the world acts with me in it. whose table do i sit for supper ? who wipes the tears off my face ? i get lost in lonely - soo damn lonely it's impossible to recognize my face.i want to laugh and dance around. i want to kiss the boys and lie in bed as they cook me breakfast. eggs and bacon with no milk. i want to put on my shortest shorts on a hot summer day and know why ? i want a patch of soil to water so that my flowers will need me to survive. i need something to call my own. besides this feeling ..that nothing is my own.

witness protection program..

i need to be right at this very spot writing -something, anything at all. it will distract me from the feeling of not feeling at all. yeah yeah class is over when i walk out the door. ooops where am i going ? the girl with magnificent tits ? you who know me and know me well sit in the front and watch me dance . I go thru the moves and when it's ALL over . . . we all fall down

background experience-detail...

every year or so i am stuck trying to get the details of my past job experience correct. it is spread out as far as detail goes. i know the names and addresses but the dates and year employed hehe that is the one thing that will stop me from finishing many a job application. this is my cheat sheet on-line that isn't going to get lost in a notebook or on a half filled out application. no it is going to have a label and that means easy access.

Super 8 Motel
175 Peterson Dr
Moscow, ID 83843
(208)883-1503  
  11/09/2011-05/24/2012 

Northern Quest Casino
100 N Hayford Rd
Airway Heights, WA  99001
(509)242-7000
   may2008-july2008

K-Mart
6606 N Division
Spokane, WA  99208
(509)
   march2008-may2008

Wal-Mart
2470 W Pullman Hwy
Moscow, Idaho  83843
(209)883-8828
   jan2008-march2008

DHL/Airborne Express- courier-route 04
8412 W Aviation RD
Spokane. WA  99224
(509)
   dec2005-nov2006

US Postal Service
2928 S Spotted Rd
Spokane, WA 99224
(509)
   nov2000-june2003