emotional sealife

Every month until the exact instant I start I have this buildup of hot cold emotion that runs up and down my body trying to find a way in. It is like an overwhelming loss overtakes me and I let it lead me by the arm away from rational thought. It is like the death of me and it is the start of nothing I have ever seen. Ha cause to tell you the truth it is not seen it is the invisible current of insanity that screams to be heard. Maybe cause it is going away forever or at least a little while, like a month. I lose my self confidence as soon as I listen to the ghosts that are trying to shatter the peace of mind. If anything it is my few friends who help me the most by looking the other way as my mind gives up intense emotion. God help the next man who loves me....no I take that back he will be the luckiest gem alive. I am back from the edge of madness, with a grin licking my lips. Wow that was intense and real. I just finished up the old tale of catherine and heathcliff and I bawled like a baby last night as I lay awake reading. Not so much for obnoxious Catherine, but for Heathcliff's loss. And I just feel for his agony and pain and I don't care that he took it out on those around him after she was no longer his and how he mourned for her after her death...cause it was something that was not his to control. She knew that and played the temptest so well that she is the one who damned them all to hell. friggin bitch I say