As long as the sun sets and the moonlight puts us to sleep. I have been walking in two worlds...the real world and the drug world. I cannot remember if the real world is make believe or fantasy. So I guess I will have to take fantasy..only because I am female. This picture is of my little girl and how I wish I could act. Cause we are stuck in winter here. I am clean clean clean... sparkly clean now. This is from an old post so no need to worry about the reference to the drug world. Guess I could go ahead and delete it, but then I would only be hiding something about myself and that is how wonderful it feels to be where I am.
Anyway here goes..
Everytime the wind blows it is her voice I hear whispering in my ear.."come to me". It tickles my soul with longing. I sense her presence when I look in the mirror, especially when I am putting on my mascara. That is really the only time I look into her eyes. Look deep into my eyes. I am restless. I want to join her by the shore. I want to immerse myself in her spirit. I want to taste the words she summons the wind with. I want to stick my warm blooded toes into her crystal clear reflection sparkling on top of the water..smiling back at me. I am Home. Mother I am back...with my dirty laundry. Unshowered and ugly with all the sickness of the world suffocating my soul. So much that I find it hard to breathe. Mother it is I ! Your biggest fucked up failure..remember me ? Here to fill up on all your sympathy and fresh beginnings. All before I leave again. Like every child. Will you hear my pleas and wake from your long cold sleep ?
It is my turn to cry to the mother who holds me in her dreams. This weight of self destruction will bury me without a doubt. She is more than all the living I will ever never know. She is pure element...the lady of the lake. We heal each other with our essence..our connection at birth. She is the blood that runs through my veins. I am the journey she moves thru. Right now she is calling out to me...her voice is the wind. Somehow I must get to Spring Valley, between Deary and Troy. Only she can detoxify what has infected my body with it's poison. It is beyond my human ability to control her energy. I can feel her departure and I know she always returns to the edge of reality . This lady of the deep. I start to sense this great loss inside of me as she fights her way back home. I can scream and cry and roll on the ground, with my arms wrapped tight around me...straight jacket bound. I close my eyes for a second and somehow the wind with it's invisible fingers stands me up straight and tall. My arms are not my own and my hair is insanity..standing up on end. It is like elctricity is gathering in the palms of my hands. My arms are pushed roughly up to the sky and this pulsating blast of magic screams out of my fingertips into the open sky. And with the voice of thunder she tells me not to cry. I fall into a puddle on the ground and all at once I hear this sound.. you must return for me" Somehow I lose her and then I follow her home. Back to the source, of a mother's shame. Back to the sorrow that calls my name. Ahhh hell ! I just want to swim in her sparkling laughter. It tickles the hair in my ears.
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