the good doctor (20 yrs ago)

This is going out to my favorite doctor at the time I first became pregnant. Which soon changed to dreadful fascination. While I silently waited for him to stand up and say something..anything-about my bruised and battered body. The fingerprint bruising around my neck or the blackest purple goose eggs embedded in my thighs from being punched, choked and even kicked by the trickster. I in the end became better than the trickster- because I tricked myself into believing things would change. The good doctor who never asked questions and who never made eye contact with the trembling hand. The trembling hand that silently wiped the tears away before they hit the floor. I did not know how to ask for anything I was in too deep. every month i would beg my god  that you would help me, that by noticing my plight  I would actually remember that I was alive. You made me believe I was a ghost...that I had no skin. Invisible. I cried and whimpered in pain getting up and down off that examing table. And with each whispered gasp of red hot pain screaming from every pore of my body, I felt relief loosen the stability of my mind.I cannot point a finger at only you because I was the one who could not say the words out loud .In a way it was only me and you. And since he waited in the hall it bought me a few quiet moments to soothe my stirrings . That all was not right. And Doctor Jeffrey Scott-fuck you