my dad built this house after he retired and he also died there march 16, 2002
wow i am crazy with the pain. it is maddening. i lay down and start to shudder and for some reason i have the hiccoughs now. i roll on my side and hold my head gently and try not to scream as tears race down my cheeks and hit the floor. i can hear each one going blop blop. my cheeks are flushed and i can't seem to catch my breath. i twist my fingers around like pretzels all the while i ask for relief. i want sleep to rescue me and carry away to whereever it is i go when i am not awake. guess it is time for my vicadin. i work the day after tomorrow what will i do? i am not ready geez! it sucks doing the correct thing ands showing up for work when i only make $7.25 an hour. i mean 10 years ago i was making $14.01 an hour with the postal service. i feel like i have walked thru a time warp zone into the ice age . i need calm but it is just me and my pillow. i am alone -completely alone.
i just wanna take my bitchy ass self and drive down the road towards troy and go home where you can sit outside at night with the stars so bright that they look like they are holding up the sky. where the coyotes will sing you a song of nature to ease what ails you
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so i went to sleep last night shivering and sedated= with the bedroom door closed. this is the second time my ma has woke me up crying to make me eat something and take another pain pill. i keep throwing up blood and i can't seem to conquer my blubbering cry baby sobs. i hurt soo bad geez. just have another dose in me and mom is back out on the couch will all the lights off and she said my bedroom door stays open. i wish he was here to rub my head like he use to do when i was sick and soothe me with his stupid blond jokes
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