Diamond Girl

I picked up the phone after I had made it here safely. After my heart had calmed down. I called the guy who had been involved in my accident and lo and behold I was told that I needed to call you. Baby girl I am a survivor. I miss you almost as much as I miss him. Nope that is not really true I miss you more, cause you were about my happiness. He only fed my sorrow. That bile taste he tried to feed me in a spoon, like medicine. Addiction is not about the taste but the thirst, hhuh? I told you I was leaving a few days before it happened-but then again I had said that how many times before. You knew I was soo unhappy. You said to me "Kris as your best friend in the world I am asking you, no I am begging you, please don't go. Just give it a week." We got in a screaming fight cause I could not do it any longer , it was not healthy. I was dying inside. I was too dirty. I had fallen out of love with him the night before,for good. After two years our time had past.
But you lady..God I remember the warmth of your breath in my ear, the sound of your laughter tickling my soul and I remember you walking down my road in my black hooker boots so hot that you were on fire. Your beauty and charm were legendary, as was your vice. I called you my favorite pedophile cause your boy toys were always 8 to 12 years younger than your 39 years. I remember you rushing to my side the night I took a bunch of pills and climbing into bed with me and holding me and crying the tears I could not remember to shed. Where was I ? I was home in a way, safe in your arms. I remember each of your boyfriends- Chris, David, Frank, Tim and Ronnie and how they came to rely on me. What Ronnie said " I was the glue that held you two
together" What are you to me now, looking back? You are a thorn I cannot pull out of my mind. You are a beautiful fragrant sense that I cannot mask with the smell of reality. You are lost now I know it. I told you I loved you and I mean it. Sandy Sandy sandy you must go upto the mountain. He will be there waiting for you...you must get clean. You must mean something to your kids, you must mean something to yourself. I taste your sadness when I dream at night and everytime I close my eyes I see your eyes lighting up my face. You know all my secrets, my fears my shame, my fantasies and you still loved me. Even as you watched me fall on my face over and over again. I cannot hold my hand out to you at this time because I will fall off this ledge I am perched on . If I should lose my footing I will not be getting up. You know about not getting up. Let me be that voice that nagging in your heart that questions where you are headed. I am conscience.. My last memory I have of you is at Will's house. Climbing into bed with you (with clothes on ) and me crying cause I could not find my man and you rubbing my hair telling me, whispering everything is gonna be okay, he loves you. No he doesn't I cried and you said Kris " he is in love with the sadness" Now I am in love with the sadness. I am the sadnes..Sandy I love you and one day I will see you on the other side..