service dog. .

i once believed if you were a "good" person that no matter how bad things might get or tough in life-that God would make sure things worked out. that you would barely scrape by. now i fear nothing because i have nothing. nothing matters but the darkness. the black of night spoons me like a lover and i like it. it doesn't try to change me or trick me with fake words. i like being cold. i hate my job. i hate my life. i hate the sunlight. i hate the busy faces that walk by me with their heads turned at some odd angle as they talk on their cell phone. i hate conversation. it is all a lie. i don't need you to need me. i don't need me to want you to. go back inside and shut the door. my life is not for living anymore. my dreams rise up and grab ahold my wrist and pull me in my room. i follow with an open heart that screams hurry hurry hurry or you will be left behind. i don't know what is going on with me. i am not depressed in that since. i am just done. there is a creature that waits for me to close my eyes. he is like a seeing eye-dog that pulls me around in the netherworld. i have heard him growl in the darkness many times. but he has never left my side. he whimpers when i start to succumb to my sorrow which has turned into a cancer that i cannot control. he licks the tears off my face before they fall. together we search for something or someone before my alarm clock starts to buzz at 7:48am. Sometimes at work when i take a deep breath i feel like i am being sucked into a spinning abyss inside myself. i became aware of my spirit lying under a tree with my friend sitting by my head while i slept. too bad we can't speak the same language. why am i crying, if you don't care ? nothing is changing but my sorrow has been growing into a fragrant seed of a woman's wrath.