Brother David.

while i was in the victory outreach discipleship home there was no contact with anyone from the outside world, except maybe a few sisters from our church. but there was absolutely no contact of any kind with any members of the male sex. that meant greetings or eye contact or discipline ensued. it was complete immersion or saturation in the "word" with no distractions. it was completely all consuming at times and not in a good way. so it was only natural that me and my sisters would each pick a guy that was our pretend boyfriend. they picked mine for me but in my mind i was way ahead of them. brother david was a little bit older than me without being ancient, and of course he was single with a daughter. for some reason i am unable to explain i managed to fall head over heels in love with this man. he was the second thing i would think about every morning. i started to let the girls do my hair and tackle my make-up just so i could catch his eye. yep to catch his eye when our director or the elders of the church weren't looking was virtually impossible. we were seperated from society and had to walk in a single file line and stay together at all times. there was no casual this or random trips to the bathroom. one night we were at church and it looked like he was sitting with a female i had never seen before. i felt my eyes water and big old crocodile tears start to fall down my cheeks. i was heartbroken and quit making eye contact with him. i told myself that my sisters were just trying to keep me on my toes and happy. it wasn't 3 weeks later that we were staffing a kids fest event that i was doing the darts for a balloon game when i looked up and he was just standing there smiling at me ! he asked me if i wanted him to buy the women in the women's home tacos or snowcones ? i told him we were on discipline and were not allowed sugar or sweets in my most christian sultry voice. my life became somehow changed that second of that day with all those little kids throwing darts. i remember feeling the joy so strongly as i looked back at his face. it was like i found my saviour again. my days meant something and were full of sunshine just because of him. that was the only conversation we ever had but we use to stare at each other. i know that sounds pitiful at my age but it was all i had. at the end of sunday service pastor asked brother david up front so everyone could pray for him. i assumed for health reasons. it took me a couple weeks just to find out what was wrong with him without directly asking . . .why did pastor have the mexican guy come up front so everyone could pray ? i had my answer -he needed a liver transplant ! i began to pray for him morning noon and night with my arms lifted up in the air so focused on his well being. it gave me something to do besides cry. i left the program suddenly not long after. without ever seeing him again. but i see him in my dreams. i walk to places here in moscow idaho in the hopes i will just pass him in the crowd.  i don't even know his last name but i know how his eyes crinkle when he smiles.