exhaling. .

today is not a good day. i cannot quit crying. i feel bitter and irritated beyond reason. ever since i left the chapel and walked in the door here it feels like something is up. i want to lay down but my mom says i need to do four more listings on ebay i am going to snap. why ? i try to rationalize where i am now but i get lost in the debris. gimme a spoon and a hit of dope and i will be okay for a few hours is not my motto anymore.i cry soo many tears it is a wonder i am not dehydrated. i find any excuse to escape to my room just so i can shut the door and turn off the light and lay there with nothing but this empty feeling to keep me comfortable. that blah frustrated disappointment that just thrives in my hard drive. i did this to myself. i wanted it this way. i cannot remember a time when the world was home. i want to go home. why do you have to die first to get there?