longings soo strong i can't feel my faith. .

it has been six monthes since i have seen you. although your face has never left me, it haunts me in my dreams. i can only say i love you though we never spoke. you knew the rules and so did i. no contact with the opposite sex while i was in the women's home. it did not to stop me from getting attatched to you, in my own way. i am in the wrong. i was in the discipleship home and knew better to fall in love with a man that was there for church every sunday. it was the last thing i ever expected to happen. i just wanted to find my place clean and sober in this world. but i saw you one afternoon sitting alone in the sunshine with your grandkids. my sisters caught me staring and warned me not to get caught by the director. i asked of them your name. they told me it is david. you were single and close to my age. david david david your name was like a song on my lips. i was immersed in the program as i struggled to find peace and learn about god. my whole week centered on sunday at church that i might walk past you and see you smile.  how i longed to see your smile.! i know the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. i know how you walk and how you look in slacks. i know where you sit and how you kneel in prayer. i want you oh my god how i want you! the way i want you is often at times too much to bear. i think that i love you and i don't know what to do. i wish my eyes could have spoke of the love i have for you. you see i lived for tomorrow while i stayed at the house. how will i find you now that i am gone ? i only learned of your illness when pastor called you to the alter and asked us all to pray. i would give you a piece of my own liver and nurse you back myself. i prayed and prayed for you with my arms in the air. in the morning i would kneel and try to make deals with the creator on your behalf. i pray for you still. i pray that one day i will be with you. i pray that you are alive. i pray that i will see you before i die. i pray to be with you and share the same life. i pray that i find you and you make me your wife. i pray that god will mend my broken heart cause i know it will shatter when the truth be known. that you are with someone since i am gone.