fault lines . .

i was at church on sunday with my mom and as i sat there in sacrament i listened in amazement as the church leader said this is the year they are going to rescue lost souls and all would be welcome and not to be surprised if you smelled cigarette smoke on a few or their was someone sitting in a pew with multiple piercings. it made my heart smile and i relaxed and felt a warmth spread through me. maybe i am in the right place ? next hour we were sitting in a classroom and i walked in late just in time to hear an elder say . . well we need to remember that they are the ones who put themselves there ! i sat there and listened to strategies with a shattered peace. it was all i could do to sit there so insulted i became. i finally spoke and even though it wasn't my intention i turned and spoke to the back of the room .i gave a brief history-very brief and then explained that i was insulted by what the gentleman had to say. yeah it was my choice to leave the world or church and get on the boat. i wasn't paying attention how far off we had sailed because i was high . pls excuse me i don't want to waste your time. i sat down to the quiet and tears fell from my eyes. i looked at my mom and said i want to go. she said no and i stood up and walked out with a few of the women and missionaries chasing after me. the next day i had a hunger to get high the worst i have had since i quit using. if i did this too myself maybe i need to go back there i am sick of hearing i am bad. i told mom  i am done i read the bible she doesn't i will find another church. she told me no you will go to the mormon church !! i told her if i go it will be the last time. now the missionaries are after me and i will not give them my time. see the lord is inside me don't tell me what to believe i can figure that out on my own. it is time to look for a new place to live before my mom kicks me out.