what to do ? where to go ? after he leaves for work i start to cry and feel sorry myself. i check my e-mail and my phone to see if there is anything about an application i have turned in. i was asked if i read the letter he left for me ? oh noo . he sits across the living room and watches me read. i feel my heart drop. my heart has turned into a bouncie ball. he loves me and wants to know. he wants me to think about my feelings. he wants me to realize that he is helping me out by letting me stay . he wants he wants..me
i cannot breathe, i cannot even smile. i am a robot without hope.i try to stay busy outside or walk the dog. i turn in applications, i contacted anna ogden hall to apply for their program. i told him i can't do it . my feelings are only friendship. i let him buy me a pack of smokes yesterday in moscow it cost him four bucks. i gave him money from my last paycheck. i am leary and waiting for him to cross the line i have drawn in the sand -then it is truely homeless i go.
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