medicine..

So much has happened this past week I have changed and I am scared to look into the mirror..afraid I might like what I see. I am content now, no worse I am purring like a cat. I feel uncomfortable in new clothes, I always loved tight and constricting not loose and comfortable. Loose and comfortable like all the happy creatures wear. The only thing that I ache for I cannot find and I know Cap has it. Only because he believed in my power. It was a game until someone starts believing right? I miss my
malachite and my moldavite and moonstone, the rocks I had. That I had picked up and bought from a memory I just could not let go of, the one solid piece of something my fingers curled around as I was kneeling by my father's grave. A river rock from the cleansing movement of water racing down the back river in arkansas. My meteorites from
wonders of the world in spokane . I had piles of rock strategically placed everywhere, bad in my room- tektites from tibet and the fulgarites that once held onto the lightning and it burrowed in the sand. A kiss of electricity-perhaps for our mother, the earth. I cannot find anything anymore I guess I am letting go after all I would have traded them all for the precious soul that has joined my family. I just want to do something besides auctions on ebay and read my vampire books. My erotic vampire books ...yawn besides this is how bored I was yesterday night for supper instead of making homemade mashed potatos,I used cauliflor instead. IT WAS SOO GOOD!
Okay I now am hungry.
I want to get my rifle and go out to my aunts in the country and pull that trigger
again and again. Not my twenty gauge remington but my .22 rifle. i want to feel the pull when I launch a projectile into flight. I wouldn't even mind missing the first few (I never miss only at skeet tournaments, ha). If I could have the privlege of having to readjust my aim before hitting my target I think that would be swell. Hell if the lake was impossible to get to I would throw rocks or at least skip them on top of the water..gimme back my bullets..NO I WANT TO SHOOT MY GUN