May 06, 2005

There are some things left better alone right? I was looking through some of my old journal entries ..in particular my shadow entries. This was a time I was in the throes of meth-related delirium. I don't know why I used so long all i know is i will never use again. But there use to be something in the shadows whispering in my ear..Anyway i don't know if I am more ashamed of the automatic writing or the thought that I was writing something good..How can addiction which is BAD< BAD < BAD spit out the taste of anything pure? IT CANNOT!!! And this is the twisted part-the longer i stayed up the easier it was to merge with the shadow people. I truly believed they were my friends -Emily, Elizabeth and Jeho...cannot say that one.
Anyway there are two different entries I don't know why I am doing this ..The first one goes..
If mankind cannot fulfill his destiny, all shall be lost. A great dishonor will be the only distinction of a wasted existence. For it was once believed redemption would be the only outcome-in many a mortal endeavor. You are not forgotten..Your struggle and hardships are what you demanded from the Father. He is not the one punishing you .AND THE SECOND MORE SERIOUSLY TWISTED
... Do not be fooled by reality. It does not really exist at anywhere or at anytime.
It is nothing more than the playing field. Nothing but the odds, the numbers which trigger the outcome. Like the days and years, even the hairs on your head..how many breaths you will exhale, how many lives you will ruin. Even the number of children you will bring to the team . It is the simplicity that complicates the game. Nothing
you have been given to ease your plight of mortality means anything. you are nothing but a fleeting thought..You are still an animal and shame the master dutifully. You are like a dog nobody wants, left outside. And only fed to shut you up. It is your
thoughts that rise up and shatter the quiet of the heavens like glass shattering our window of earth, "our view of you".
I am the voice of many who long to put you out of your misery. To end the suffering that stirs the heavens. Your stench of fecal decay overpowers the fragrant sense of
the garden that we tend. You are a weed, nothing more.
Nobody knows how long ago the almighty father turned to us and wished for something, after he wished for you. We are his longing for you. So powerful the thoughts of his universal mind-that gave birth to our enlightened state of consciousness. We must co-exist together because we are related by the same thought. We fit together only
on different planes of the same playing field. We are not cheerleaders chanting go go go with our arms in the air, cause you are losing the game. The only game that matters you are throwing it away. I can tell you about a destiny that is yours..