do you believe in spirits ?

ever since i was a young thing i have been infatuated with the water. i learned to swim in hawaii . i am half navy brat and half mermaid. my mom and sister were more into baking in the rays.  there is something that happens to my soul even as i am diving into the high water. my peace of mind is found far from shore . . that is where the quiet is. spring valley is the keeper of my soul. indeed my father fished there every chance he got after he retired from the world. i believe there is a lady of the lake at the spring valley reservoir. do you believe in spirits?

i have promised myself that at least one time each summer that i would return to spring valley at least to cleanse whatever had attatched itself to me during the year. but the older i get it is next to impossible to get there without a ride. so i dream about the cool water and i am filled with calm. i am reminded about something that took place in priest river this past summer and how powerful the whole ordeal has become looking back on it. i had a disagreement with the director of the discipleship home and even though my place was there among the jesus freaks whom i call my sisters in christ it was my temper that marched me out the door. it all happened soo fast. i was scared to death to be alone walking in the streets i had only seen looking out the window of our home. we were never really allowed outside except on fridays i was allowed outside for twenty minutes with someone for accountability as i watered the grass. i called my friend cause i knew my daughter was still sleeping since she worked graveyard. anyway we ended up at the mudhole in priest river. he fixes expresso machines and i tagged along. i was actually in hiding trying to quiet that voice inside me that was accusing me of being rash and stupid. somehow we ended up at a local watering hole and the heat was stifling. i begged for him to take me and if it were not for my charm and good looks i know it never would have happened. as soon as my foot touched the water i was pulled way out to where the quiet is. i was floating on my back peacful and unafraid and i had a vision that the water brought to me. i saw myself back at the home. i felt the faith inside me strong and true. i questioned if it was the enemy taunting me because i had left & i knew that was not going to be an option. i felt my face and upper chest burn hot with shame at the way i had let my temper get the best of me. but i was going to keep that to myself. besides who was going to know how foolish i had acted. the women in the home were separated from the world in everyway. there was no contact with anyone, no male contact, NO- t.v., radio, magazines, newspapers, friends, phones or family unless they came to church and then and only then you could sit by them. i felt relief flood my being and i questioned the vision of being back in that realm. after all they were not going to let me back in i had broken all the rules. i was always on discipline. the whole house was on discipline for two weeks because someone had put toilet paper in the toilet and the director stated that was the reason the toilet had flooded. i was not happy. now to top off everything we had to be up a t 4:30 am in our word, extra chores, no resting or naps, no seconds on food, no visits during church and on and on. i felt she was intentionally trying to contaminate my feel good that i had since being saved with her power trip. i tried to shrug it off. i heard the voice of the holy spirit inform me ...you are going back kris.  i started to go under and my nose filled up with water and i started to cough. my soul shrieked Okay Lord !! but  i whispered ..they are all going to laugh at me. i was told that when you think they are laughing at you this will be the buffer that i will put up to save you from any distress. i listened and i heard the silence of the water. there was a sound to that silence. i remember that sound. so to make a long story short i called to see about my clothes and was told pastor was going to make an exception he wanted me back in at any cost. where was i ? they would come get me !!  it wasn't two weeks later i am back in saturated in my scripture and praying for hours each day at the alter. i am the happiest i have ever been in my life and once again the most miserable. i am back on the discipline. but i am closer to my sister's i am different because of the holy spirit . i was starting to believe in the power of God i was starting to believe that he was with me. one morning i asked . . .if this is your will Abba pls give me a sign Father. it was done in a moment of weakness because when you have chaos and suffering all your life there are moments where you actually jump up terrified because you feel empty. i asked and 3 days later me and my sisters were suddenly in st. mary's working for the day helping a lady sell peaches. just out of the blue we are out of the city and we are driving the backroads of idaho. i love mountains and i love trees and the sound that the river makes as the water runs around the bend. it has never happened before that we are able to have a leisure moment or activity it is just not permitted. the lady we were helping only needed two workers and since we have to stay together all 5 of us had to go. we went from booth to booth asking if there was any work we could have. nothing and now we were asked to sit on the ground out of the way-well the ones not working. virginia our director use to live there and decided to send 3 of us to the aqua park down the road. i was soo excited i started jumping up and down. my sister from new york . . mmm very leary of the bugs and brush hehe. so both my sisters are just sticking their toes in looking around timidly and splash i am home !! in the blink of an eye i am out towards the middle of the river floating on my back and i became aware of that sound. the sound of the silence in the water. and i startled myself because of it and i hear these words. . "i have got you ". i turned over and did the breast stroke towards my sisters and laughingly challenged them to go all the way under. it wasn't in their dna. i felt time ticking away and knew that we had to be back at the fair in 18 minutes. i dived in with my eyes open and my hands brushed aside a huge fish. it looked like it swam out of my hands and i watched it disappear into the cold dark depth of the deep.