If I close my eyes... it seems your face pops up on my inner screen. The movie screen of my life..my eternal journey for immortal strife. The popcorn is too salty and the thirst is strong. I sit in the only empty chair in the entire place. I am soo tired of the race. Fuck what is playing now on the big screen. I would rather be in the free seat assigned to me and watch the show from the same ole place. That is the place I feel at home. Lost in motion covered in the darkness like a baby. I cry like a child and laugh like a kid. I know what's coming and it's crazy. Just how I like it ..the credits are rolling up on the screen. Always these words rolling up and down. Is it a warning that time is running out ? I will write them down now and in time figure it out....."if mankind cannot fufill his destiny all shall be lost...a great dishonor will be the only distinction of a wasted existence. For it was once believed that redemption would be the only outcome, in many a mortal endeavor. You are not forgotten. He is not the one punishing you. Your hardship and struggles are what you demanded to prove your worth. and yadda yadda ...Do not be fooled by reality. It does not exist at anywhere or at anytime. It is nothing more than the playing field. Nothing but the odds, you see it is the numbers which trigger the outcome. The numbers never lie..the days and years, even the number of hairs on your head. How many tears have fallen and ran down your face ..to how many lifes you will ruin and disgrace. It is the simplicity that complicates the game.Nothing you have been given to ease your plight into mortality has worked or meant anything at all. Life is not a free ride...not at all. You are misery of the finite kind. A stench of animal ..a putrid wine. You are like a dog nobody wants anymore. Left outside and only fed to shut you up.It is your fecal thoughts that rise up and shatter the peaceful quiet of heaven like glass shattering our view of you. I am the voice of many. I am the voice of one. I can keep repeating what must be undone. Who am I? I have no face or body . No memories that exist. I am no more than a fleeting thought.So powerful the longing of his love, I was given birth..enlightened state.We must co-exist together because we are related by "His" immortal thought. We fit together on the same playing field...at different spots. We are not the cheerleaders waving our hands in the air yelling gogo go gogo! Cause you are losing the game . The only game that matters you are throwing away. What do you know about destiny little girl..u gotta play !
Over the years it never changes. Is my life so stagnant that it becomes impossible to be anything but sidelined? There is something that watches over me that is for sure. And it is good good good. All this pain and suffering can't hold me under anymore . If at all possible I ask for one thing from you lord in heaven ...a sign? From nature cause I am weak..? I will be looking to the east. I will look at the stars and the clouds . I will look at the trees and how they move in the wind. I will be looking at the earth. what I really should be looking at is me..but I am sucked in a wormhole in inner space..outerspace
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So I go out to the living room and CNN news is reporting that there is a meteor shower called the Dracon that will be lighting up our skies with hundreds of shooting/ falling stars every hour tonight and I am wondering that since I asked for a sign of nature from my god if that story is telling me where to look or if it is off the hook?
regardless i will make sure the kids will all be outside tonight looking up at the dark sky. Hell if I can catch a single wish I would stand outside all night :)
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