moooooooo

Patricia Briggs is my new favorite author with her Mercy Thompson Novels. Damn it is really cool how all the misdadventure of the werewolfs and the vampires all take place in pasco . hehe it is like she describes places i have been. I say thank gosh for the library and access to the books or the intellectual instability of my mind would be getting ready to crash to the ground. Went and had another job interview sorta. The minimum wage is low here but now i am starting to feel like i am slapping myself in the face with my work history. Oh Well like my last card means-the wheel of fortune I drew for the future .... my options are spinning faster than the one on the tv game show. But i don't have the feeling of dread boiling in my gut like i usually do. Ma is getting her oil change in town and we have got a busy day planned.I do miss my kids and one of them trying to grab my hand and whisk me away from myself here my mom likes to grab my arm so we can clean clean clean.I love coffee mmmhhhh slowly waking up and I feel close to mother nature. I can feel her caress my face with fingers of sunshine and i can hear the wind carry her laughter as it moves through the leaves in the trees. Hi mom !!! One thing about me and my mummy (ooh she don't like when i use the mummy word, cause it is an ancient term) I think my subconscious was trying to save me all this time by making me believe there is a lady in the lake at spring valley. A maternal water/nature spirit. Fuck it I KNOW THERE IS. She is my armor and she shields me from decay. It seems at times i absorb mental residue of angst, anger , pain and bitter sorrow from anyone who sweats it out in the midst of fever that burns and consumes many a mind. I feel it coat my skin and hair and in the time i lose my ability to breathe. So when i get all used up and totally done... like- take me out of the oven and throw me in the trash.. this little voice starts to whisper in my head (yep stark raving mad I am ) Get to the water !! she will help you. My dad use to fish there every morning before he died and the fish are always biting. And no matter where i swim once i exit the water.....I am alive once more. I am strong like Hercules. .The Osprey glides above me as I float on my back and it there i have the deepest peace almost like i am floating in the womb of existence.