foul..

i have three daughters so needless to say the bathroom was pretty busy at my house especially in the morning before school as we all had a tendency to love sleep. my oldest daughter use to lay down for the night with the clothes she would be wearing the next day just so she did not have to deal with my morning rage meltdown. like how many times do i have to yell and then scream from my warm sweet bed comforted by my pillow and blankets. HOW LOUD DO I HAVE TO SCREAM TO MY GIRLS..GET UP IF YOU MISS THE BUS I WILL KILL YOU!! i did not mean i would actually kill them silly people i was just trying to make sure i could savor as much relaxation as possible. i swear things would build up to insane crazy for me- like nuclear meltdown crazy but it did not even put fear in the heart of my girls because it was our daily morning ritual. one morning after the alarm clock started going off in their room and buzzing and buzzing and buzzing my preppy middle princess girl just blew my mind with such obnoxious behaviour i was tempted to mail her to her father. i all of a sudden realize the alarm clock has quit in their room when i had to stop to inhale before my rant could continue. i immediately fell back asleep but became aware of a body jumping in my queen size bed (which i share with my pillows )and i felt the sensation of the cotton sheet coming up over my head and i heard katie's voice say real calm and smug..it's okay mom i hit the snooze, go back to sleep and i will wake you up. but i was already back in dreamland or so i thought until ...the things you remember huh ? until the toxic foul poison gas from her butt hit the blanket barrier covering the top of my head drifted back down and OH MY FRIGGING GOSH it was like the stench had it's fingers wrapped around my throat cutting off my ability to breathe. i could have swore i looked into the face of death it smelled that bad. it made my eyes sting like someone had poured bleach in them or ammonia and i dropped and rolled onto the floor. i could not understand what was going on until i heard her giggling evil-yep she wasn't even laughing like funny haha she was giggling. i must have blacked out or something and the next thing i remember is burying her in the back yard underneath the rose bush to compensate for the smell. i mean she was never going to find a husband anyway and i will not be treated like that in my own house.