bitch-slap...at the shady lady

after the birth of my first daughter we were soo close to being homeless that with great trepidation i allowed my ex husband to drop me at a strip club-on amateur night! this was soo long ago that we didn't even have poles at the shady lady. But at least  i wasn't told to mingle with the customers. It was almost too much for me to handle. i didn't trust the men and most of the other dancer's were predators. The shame of what i was doing had not caught up to me yet. one night i was sitting at a table with a few of the other "regular" dancers who had waved me over and part of me was grateful that i was being included.  i would order a jack and coke or a shot of whiskey from whoever and the waitress would bring me the non-alcoholic equivalent and we would pocket the difference. but the whole thing made me nervous because of how much made i could make off that scam.  i just had to act the part. so when i wasn't dancing i drank shots of diet pepsi or 7-up and shuddered like they were whiskey or vodka.

 i sat at this table with a few regulars and it wasn't long before i ordered my shot of whiskey watching the teamwork of the other dancers who were moving in for the kill. this blond skinny stripper who i had nicknamed skank had put a hat on the table and was loudly demanding tips for her upcoming trip to planned parenthood ! i focused in with a shocked smirk on my face in time to hear her state..that she had been with soo many guys that one of them was bound to be the father.That they should think of it as a community project- that she was the project that needed fixed due to the fact she was gonna start to show as she entered her 2nd trimester! i felt anger and rage race thru my body and i stood up and when i did my chair fell over backwards. Our drinks arrived right then and Panther started handing them out when skank jumped up cause she was up. As i watched her approach the stage i felt my righteousness burn out of me into a mighty sword. Is that funny i was after all stripping in a club and i felt righteous..? slowly she started her routine and before the first piece of clothing hit the floor that righteousness left me and JEALOUSY slid into it's spot. She danced before me and was one of the hottest sexiest dancers i had ever seen. All i kept thinking was fuk me i don't want to do my stuff after her bringing down the house like i knew she was going to do. She already had a line on both sides of the stage waiting with dollar bills ...
I was soo worked up with insecurity and anxiety and JEALOUSY and righteous anger that as i approached the stage it turned into something else..pure hate !
i was standing there and as i watched her grab all her dollars scattered all over the stage she must have felt my searing stare. She turned to me and a little smile was on her lips. i muttered out loud just as the music ended .. YOU ARE SUCH A PATHETIC SKANK.. guess what she heard me . She shuffled over to where i was and bent over sexy to pick up more of her loot by my feet and said coldy ..what's your problem bitch why don't you just accept the fact that you ain't gonna make shit being a dancer ! i mean look at you...
after she said that she lifted her hand up to her mouth to cover up her giggle and i leaned over and bitch slapped her as hard as i could. We both got fired that night. but i was the only one who went anywhere. i knew that i wasn't strong enough to pick my battles and that me getting into brawls would start to occur more and more...
 i felt such relief as i emptied out my locker- joy was more like it. when i walked out on the floor again i went up to skank with everybody running towards us of course and calmly said ..I AM BOTHERED BY THE FACT YOU ARE USING ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL YOU SHOULD  DIET OR BE ANOREXIC. she smiled at me and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and asked me if i like girls !