john's alley..

i cannot mention names of course because i am the one at fault. at least i think i am the one at fault...an old friend came to kidnap me last night. we use to live together maybe 7 years ago. he has great kids and a great job and a great sense of humor-sorta. it took me awhile to figure out that i was never gonna win an argument against someone who has a master degree in psychology. but god knows i tried hehe. he use to be my muse before cap. before cap was my hook line and sinker. every so often either him or i will get in touch with the other online just to check in and sometimes when that happens we are in between relationships. he will pick me up and take me to the resort for the weekend and just spoil the fuk out of me while i am blubbering about the heartache me and cap putting each other through. but we always have fun dancing or going out for steak or hiking whatever we decide. and i am guilty of calling him out of the blue and agreeing to hang out cause i am soo hungry i admit that. he is a tall viking who is intellectually a god when it comes to being a writer. but he does need to work on his social skills. i told him yes i would go out dancing if he came here and picked me up that yes i would like to drink and go to the bar and have fun on a date. and that is exactly what he did and he brought champagne instead of the crown royal that we drank last time a few years back hehe. smart man is all i can say. anyway he got a room here in town at the nicest hotel. way nicer than the one i work at like wow way nicer. i went with him to check in and crack open the bottle of asti before we hit john's alley. by the time we showed up at the bar i had convinced myself it was gonna be a waste of time due to the fact that this is a college town and we did not wanna show up where all the students hang out with their young selves. we asked the desk clerk where all the old people hang she told us they were having a blues band at john's alley so we headed there. yes there were alot of students. yes the music was loud. yes the place was packed. yes i danced every song. yes i met new faces. yes i drank shots of jeiger and too many bottles of bud light to count. and yes i was starting to spin a little too much haha but DAMN I HAD FUN.
when we headed out the door after last call he was worried about drunk driving and suggested we head back to the room after we stopped for some fast food at jack in the box. yummy i was soo hungry i was starving so i had the ultimate cheeseburger and a chocolate shake. i didn't want to seem like i don't know weird but it was going on 3 am and i was leary going into the room since the night was thru and we had no more pre-destination ahead of us. but when he said come here to me as he lay on the bed chowing ..i could not do it. i tried to but i just couldn't do it. then he did the guy thing (i would like to think cause i am soo hot and sexy and couldn't resist me thing) and i felt this big wall go up in front of me and he changed to "one of those guys" and then i got insulted when he asked me what my problem was if i was a lesbian or something. i didn't get mad or angry but when he walked into the bathroom i slipped out the door and into the cold ice covered night. 3 or 4 miles away from home and i walked and i staggered and i shivered and i slid down hills on my butt cause i didn't want to fall down and hurt myself. but the snow was frozen and dangerous on foot. he probably hates me and thinks i played him but i know i just hurt his pride. i just cannot be that kind of person anymore who gives in to other to just to make sure everyone is happy and satisfied because i could do that for them. i am all about my happy with my decisions and myself when it comes to my person. i refuse to put myself in a positon where it will be detrimental to my well being and i sure as hell am not ready for a relationship yet. i listened to my heart and walked out the door and i don't regret it.