flu

ran into town to do a few things and even though we should not have stopped at the mall i guilt trip my mother into stopping. thank gosh for ross. i love that store. i now have a shirt for my unlucky trip to the casino. haha so far soo lucky cause there is only one way to leave the casino and that is broke. although oh never mind....work has been soo slow i have actually had the last four days off. well besides the ebay thing and i have not been able to get my people fix or flirt with the concrete guys or electricians who are finishing up the wal mart that is almost done. gonzaga is playing and here i sit blogging but i can hear the broadcaster from the other room. it is hard to find the core to my sadness. i only know how to be mad and upset. i have been in love with the sadness for soo long i don't trust a smiling face. especially a male smiling face but you know what i am easier on myself now. i think- no i believe.. that i am where i am suppose to be at this time in my life. i can't just expect to live all crazy and insane for the last 5 years and just walk away from it and a week later go ..."where is my happiness" ? i would not appreciate it as much as i could. i cannot expect anything only that i will die one day and when i do i will have survived the whole ride.. you know the one you must finish to prove you were alive?