indian..

i can't stand it anymore i have had a feeling that i need to write in my journal. it is an overpowering ache that is getting hard to ignore. it is like some things have changed and some have not. i miss my bed and i miss getting up for work each morning. i have 3 shirts with me and one pair of jeans, my laptop, some makeup and such misery.where i am staying in pullman involves walking his dog, cooking the meals, dishes, laundry, poop patrol and turning in applications all over town. but not one bite and things could get weird. i tend to ask daily if it is okay that i am here. he wants all the dishes done and kept that way so i will spend hours to take the time and deep clean. he has no idea that i wiped the walls and the cabinet doors or cleaned the fridge. everything is going fine i have cooked supper table is all set and he will start to get mad at me. it builds up the more time we are together. i start feeling him scruntinize me with his eyes and then eventually i get my freak on. i start asking what ? what ? the answer is he shakes his head and rolls his eyes i start to feel like i need to leave and he doesn't want me here. after it blows over we talk about it ...  and if i could please  remember the salt shaker always stays on the dinner table  OMG ! the salt shaker was on the microwave  he doesn't ask me every night like he use to do to sleep in his bed. uncomfortable as fuk.