the shuffle...

This is me ..metaphorical in every sense of the word. I feel like there is so much more than just me on the outside. I feel like a mother and that my heart is the child- she holds in her arms. Not a baby ....the child.
Time for a new train of thought cause i just want to snuggle up in my mommy's hair and get lost in the sound of her voice. I know it is time to let go of everything and walk out into the light. To start over is not the right word now is it ? Because looking back over my mother's shoulder i see alot more than i am willing to admit. Where i am is where i brought myself because i chose to. I feel like i have been playing musical chairs for a long time and maybe i became lost in the song as well as the game. It is the shuffle of feet and faces that i allowed into my circle that trapped me. All the late nights of love with faces never seen had me wondering who had my back. I surrounded myself with the restless predators because i thought they would protect me from myself. What an idiot i was. But not anymore. I had inside my circle the one that i wanted, the one that i had, the one that i hated, the one that i loved, the one that i used, the one that used me (X3), the one that amused me, the one that i tormented because i didn't like myself, the one that adored me, the one that fathered my child, the one that fed my brain, the one that liked to take care of me, and the one that made me laugh, the one that would listen and the one that was shy, the kid who would do all the chores that i had, the one who would this and the one who was that ...all of them moving around the chairs while i just sat on my ass.

I AM NOW EMPLOYED AS OF AN HOUR AGO I START WEDNESDAY AT 8 AM YAHOO