school days...

i am laying here on the couch all wired upto this contraption called a computer. my ipod is charging and in order for it to recharge my laptop has to be on. which it is cause i have my headphones plugged in and  am jamming to bruce sprinsteen i'm on fire. well you can't really jam to that song but i am sure the next tune will be a headbanger. yeah here we go crazy bitch by buckcherry..hey you crazy bitch
 i get so burnt out with my life sometimes that i can't understand it. things are finally mellow. i have been "chaos" most of my adult life. i have always lived fast. i love fast but you lose sight of the what you are aiming for if you aren't paying attention. i always use to say ..if any of the weight was lifted off my shoulders-just a little bit on one side that i would be soo off balanced that i would probably fall over. i don't like falling, even if i am good at it.
 at work it was all checkouts for everyone on staff.  all the graduates and their families packed up and drove off without a backward glance at the middle-aged housekeepers from idaho who don't pay attention to who is coming or going. i had just clocked out and was signing my key back in when this old frail lady appeared at the front desk. she had a jade earring in her hand and was telling james her address in case the other one should show up. i stopped and walked over and she told me it was a family heirloom and had great sentimental value due to the fact her husband had brought it back for his mother after he returned from his mission to hong kong and it had been passed down to her.no sooner were those words out  than she started to cry. i asked a few questions and my ride showed up. i walked outside and as soon as i opened the door to the suv mom was handing me the phone cause katie was waiting to wish me happy mother's day. we made it 4 or 5 blocks before i had mom turn around and drive me back to the motel. i heard this voice in my head ..did you do everything you could? i jumped out and grabbed one of the keys and knocked on her door and together we went out to the dumpster and we found the bag that had all the trash from her floor and she was soo excited as she grabbed a bag and said this is from my room kris. no luck. she watched me rummage thru the rest just in case.it had slipped out..nothing but garbage. she helped me bag it all back up and then i gave her my arm to help her back up. she stopped 2 or 3 times as we walked back to her room just to throw her arms around me and thank me. funny thing is i felt my nanny's presence beside us as we searched and it has been a long time since i have done anything worthy enough to be graced by my favorite  maternal granny i was the one who should be thanking her. i felt my nanny smiling at me from behind this stranger's eyes