moscow pawn..

better left alone is probably a good thing to be wearing on a nametag as far as i am concerned. fuk why can't i get it done ? i put in another job application in at papa murphy's just cause i am not already exhausted enough after work at the super 8. after walking the mile to and from the motel and going nowhere and doing nothing with my social life as far as spending money goes. ten years ago my paycheck every 2 weeks was always over $800 dollars and now if i am lucky it is around 200. i haven't been able to buy anything cept milk and otter pops and my stamina is shit. my mom's house is almost done. she left after we had just moved in -for vacation.(a month) and left me a 20. i have put iit in orderwith a vengeance. but i live here also is what she will say even though i have maybe 4 boxes. i emptied, put away, broke down, trashed, put up, folded, washed and dried so it would get done. At least i have this, my laptop to pawn. it sucks being 40 dollars short on the dentist payment so i will pawn this for 50. she told me with all the business i brought her on ebay (because she never paid me really- maybe 60 bucks for 5,000 dollars she made from me listing her auctions. i have done hundreds of them and each one takes upto 15 to 20 minutes. she said she couldn't afford to pay me because the postal service had raised their prices soo much that she was losing money. yeah what a complex to put on my already down in the dumps view of myself. then she said that when her house sold she would take care of the dentist so i could have the work on my teeth finished. everytime she would drive me to pick up an application or go to the store or church she always would pat my hand and tell me to remember not to smile sigh.. i worked my ass off with getting the house packed up totally and taking each and every box up the 20 steps to the apt. she said she was going to pay for the dentist again and take me to the casino next time we had some free time but that i needed to help her do ten boxes a day-of her stuff not mine. when we did go to the casino i immediately lost my forty bucks i went to see how long we were staying and she was feeding hundreds into two different machines at the same time. she gave me a twenty dollar bill and i took it and went and sat in the suv for the next two hours crying. now i have to pay the hundred a month to the dentist. it is officially mine, but no matter what i do or am told what;s hers is hers and mine is mine