i just got off the phone with my youngest daughter. even though i only have a few minutes left on my minute phone til payday i had to do it. i go to work and i come home. that is it. that is all i have at this time. they are hours away from me now. there is nothing i wouldn't do to step back in time and be annoyed by my children. i can feel the life drain out of me with every breath. but i have to be here for me. it is just me, myself and I. even though i whine and moan about my ex it is not really him i miss as much as the life we had together. i will never go back to him or with him for as long as i live. it was all wrong from the beginning and yet there i things i thought were okay not to have.i settled for less and told myself that was okay. i have not really dated or looked seriously for anyone or anything why? because i don't know myself or what it is i need or want. i only talked with cassidy a few moments, the sound of my baby's voice choked me up instantly and completely. i couldn't let her know how lost i am without her when she doesn't appear to be lost without me.
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