lost and lonely /sept 12, 2003

i walk alone in this crazy chaotic place some call home. surrounded by many, yet known to few. there is no order to the madness that is acted upon by the blur of uncertain faces, living what they call life. without a script to follow, choices must be made by those who don't know better. "lost in motion" they deceive by living a lie. they trick other souls into seeing what they think they want to be. they believe who they are is what others think of them. so life is not the gift meant to be..if not lived for one's self. a slave without chains, bound to a master whose every thought or belief is unseen and forever chaniging. they become lost and confused if left alone and their own thoughts turn against them in a cycle of self destruction. they become a stranger in the dark they fear passionately. so you breathe the same air of misery and helplessness, surrounded by bodies that have no idea of the joy i have found in the same path journeyed. so you walk with others and i walk alone ! so what ! I WALK ALONE-it may appear i am the weaker. but you are fooled by the strength of my very step, my every breath..there is courage and wonder in each day that cannot be bought or imagined to a mind so feeble and consumed by cowardice that ...
you all wear masks of deception. as your eyes follow me, i grow stronger and straighter and fear and resentment begins to grow subconsciously towards me. your time and my reality are worlds apart but c0-exist as one. you waste your energy in a mortal endeavor to be the victor. and of what ?! reality is lost with the concept that time is measured by each passing day. to live in the moment that comes with acceptance that the conclusion of a lesson learned over time be be enjoyed if even the goal is never attained. there is lost time in every breath taken in a world so alive with beauty and a silent grace. if  you would only open your eyes. look around you will find strength from the simple things that feed the soul (a soul starving for nourishment) and such an abundance of sustenance. i seek no recognition of self i don't need such petty comfort, for your illusion of the game is wrong.why must there be only one victor? why must there be competition and battles and triumph over others. the game is never done until it is figured out