no butts about it...

a little christmas spirit goes along way especially if there is no snow on the ground here in idaho. so let me see something to warm me up on this cold night besides a man or cup of coffee. okay i know -in my younger days when i had not realized that i was invincible and beautiful to boot, it seems i put myself in the position where i was next in line to learn a lesson about life. so here goes .. before dhl bought out airborne express my days as a courier on route four 4 were fast and furious. i loved my people and i enjoyed my arrivial in whatever business i showed up at on a daily basis. one thing about my beat that was two fold was the whole courthouse/jail thing. criminals and cops these are not a few of my favorite things but all the folks in between like the secretary's and such just fed me feel good and i ate it up. in my haste to make up time because at certain stops i would linger longer than was necessary just to talk with um say the metaphysical staff at wonders of the world or the arena to drop off hockey sticks for the chiefs. for probably six months i would have my bucket and arms full of packages and walk from the state health department upto the courthouse just because i was in the midst of a good hair day. besides it just feels good when you know people are waiting for you to show up with something they want. i use to stroll past this spa everyday but the windows kinda were shaded for privacy so i never focused on what was behind that facade. one fine summer day i felt the glass in the window actually move and talk to me cause a man with long black hair was pounding on it with his fist. at first i thought earthquake. i kept walking of course trying to make sure my priorities were on time. the next week i started to notice him a little more as he became bolder and bolder. long dark black hair with tight jeans and aarogant attitude on his fake bake face which means he hit the tanning bed. he tried to hand me a business card one day on my way back to my delivery van-well he tried to put it in my back pocket cause my arms were full and he knew as soon as he touched me i was a bitch ! so he tried a different tactic he tried to seduce me with paul mitchell products and almost won- well my attention briefly. i just noticed him inside the door at the courthouse while i was getting ready to hit the metal detector and openly flirting with help that i will admit. i must have zoned him out like i do most of the people at the courthouse cause alot of them are undesirables so you don't really make small talk with them . some of them anyway you learn as time goes on. i felt someone pull my hair and he said oooooooohhhhhhhh crazy split ends and of course being female i grabbed my locks and turned around to see and there he is handing me two huge bottles of paul mitchell ..and he says shampoo and conditioner . fuk dude it is like your had me at split end. hehe. he tells me that he has been trying to get me in his shop to get his hands in my mane and with that kind of talk he had my attention- like how he purred "mane" like a tiger. i accepted his gift and said i don't associate with the help and that i could pay a little now and maybe work something out cause i knew in my heart those bottles of paul were all ineeded to get my crazy boyfriend back in my life. so i told him i didn't want him to get caught and lose his job because of how much each bottle was worth. hell the conditioner alone had a $38 tag on it and this was close to ten years ago. he just laughed and said who said i am the lowly help i own the shop and the spa and all of it come in and see and we will work it out but if you can't afford it now that's okay too just come in and let me trim those ends cause it is driving me nuts to see such a beautiful girl with damaged hair. may i just cut in here and say -HOOK, LINE AND SINKER baby i fell for it cause i am soo vain i guess. it was later in the week and i was so busy too busy to stop in and even say thank you but he would still wait for me out the window i could not see into and stick his head out after i passed by trying all different tactics to turn me around so we could talk. i started to feel bad cause after all he was trying to help me feel good about myself right? excuse me one more second ...HAHAHA. this is where the story now takes us after days turn into weeks the smart man has decided to call in a pickup on my route and i do my job well. but i walk in and he starts showing me around explaining calmly see all the stylists have craftsman toolboxes cool huh ? i start getting into hurry the fuck up mode-and he hands me a box and walks me to the front door but when we get there suddenly he leans past me and locks the deadbolt on the door. it is like 1 pm downtown spokane and i can't even begin to grasp his motive because i never paid attetntion to the warning signs. i thought or assumed he was cool because he rode a harley and had his own business but little did i know people hide behind whatever it takes to draw the attention away from what they really are to what they want to appear to be. i ask in my most annoyed voice are you kidding me we were locked in here the whole time that is why nobody is here inside with us and i am still thinking like he was unlocking the door and he has a spray bottle and sprays the front of my shirt and tries to blot right over my boobie. that is when things change cause i still hadn't let the fear catch up with me cause i was running so far behind on my daily pickup. i tell him what are you doing in a crazy incredulous voice while rolling my eyes and right then he knew i wasn't into it and he was so bothered by that fact that it angered him i guess and so he decided to insult me by asking very bluntly asking me ..."hey most beautiful girl (i use to tell the guys on my beat that when they asked for my name) anyway back to the question he says..you wanna answer me this one thing most beautiful girl and i said what's that as i started to turn and walk out the door. " i can tell by the way you walk that you like it up the ass right?" it did not even register what he said before i had turned back around real calm and punched him in the face as hard as i could and walked out the door.