I am in the forest moving slowly..lost in the melody of a bird's joyous song. Happy and free as I start to whistle along. All at once for no apparent reason, emotion slaps me hard across the face. I grab my cheek that is burning with the sting of a thousand bees. Tears start to drop from my eyes. I stumble on a rock, and as I am falling I feel the trees ache to protect me. The wind with her invisible fingers grabs ahold of my arm. My eyes try to focus on what cannot be seen..only felt. I glance down at the red fingerprints on my skin and all at once I am scared as the quiet longs to be heard. I feel this zing of power swirling thru my hair and all at once this jolt of electricity runs up out my arm. Pulsating across the open sky with the voice of thunder. It is then I feel the vibrational pull of the ancient ones as they close the circle around me, giving sight to my eyes. I realize that the trees together and I are one. I am the heartbeat of rapture. Their holy ghost. I have loved the trees all the days of my life. Indeed my ancestors moved under the redwoods gathering acorns from the ground. Maybe we belong to each other, I just can't say. I know I belong to the ancient voice that resides between our worlds. He is the Father, the Sun (son) and Mother Earth. I resonate with wonder as I see thru their eyes. I'm able to see things how they are, but not what they mean. We exist to serve each other and to prove our worth.There is so much more than we know , so much we can't comprehend. If I can explain it I would say home is a multi-faceted dimensional place. We all move through each other. The faster the vibration, the purer the soul, the lighter the soul, we start to lift up...closer to heaven-that is our home.
I cry out in anger and fall to the ground- heavy with hunger-trapped by my pain.I am not worthy to taste what I know.And it is killing me slowly . A single teardrop falls down my face. Full of black raging water tearing apart.. my distant shore. Sometimes the melancholy of life plays my favorite song. I tilt my head and close my eyes. Remembering another time. The late nights of love with faces never seen or remembered. The loud screaming music. The fast cars taking control. Trusting the speed to deliver me, where I needed to go. Sliding around curves at breakneck speed..wanting to crash.
A single razorblade
My daughters open wrist
I bow my head and really start to cry
All is still and I know I'm alone
God am I non-existent?
Is my pain all I have
Tell me what to do
Are you really there?
Do you care at all ?
please help me find my way
I don't want to be alone
How did I get so far away ..
so far away from home?
4 comments:
stop thinking so deeply about life and what it all means - we are here only to do our best each day and to not feel bad about who we are. It is what everybody has to deal with and comes to grips with. Is there anything wrong with just being content and relaxing and not feeling bad about what we may have or may not have done right in our past? stop living in the past and stop feeling sorry for yourself - everyone can chose to do that but the people who end up ok are the ones who refuse to live in the past.
By the way, what happened to your need for some extra cash for doing some house cleaning chores?
Are you fucking kidding me? I am not down in the dumps or feeling sorry for myself. Are you serious? This is a draft i had saved that i wrote over 4 years ago..when shit was going down with my daughter. Don't insult my intelligence I will write what I want
i still remember the day we hiked that trail to the sea
that was a good day... unbearably great !
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