charming...

if i thought we had a chance i would have let you hold me til morning
if i thought you charming i would have laughed at your jokes
if i thought you were cool i would have lit your cigarette
if i thought you were fun i would have gone anywhere with you
if i thought you were a friend i would have asked questions
if i thought you were a bore i would have cranked the volume up
if i thought you were familiar i would have given you my number
if i thought you were rude i would have made you pay the bill
if i thought you were lonely i would have shared you with the crowd
if i thought that you were for me then there wouldn't be anybody else


p.s. this little piece is about all the men who just haven't worked out. some are a single line a few of them scored two or three of these lines... but they all add up to notta

i am stuck on band aids...

the only thing i retained from science growing up is H2O is oxygen and Na stands for Sodium on the elemental periodic table. wanna know how i remember the sodium ? ever since i can remember i have had a certain female issue that happens everytime i get cold-my nipples stick out. in junior high it was my cue to put on a sweater to stop the boys from gawking at me. i was told i had a sodium buildup and that meant Oh shit not again !! sodium and Na . We picked sodium due to the letters Na or nipple action .who says we weren't creative? life was soo simple back then. my mom gets upset with me to this day about what they do- when they do- what they do geez. it is winter after all and i always have on a bra because it is the law here. we were getting ready to go to church and i stepped in the garage for a second and stepped back in the house and she freaked out on me. like i was going in the garage and pinching my nipples as hard as i could just to upset her or something. she keeps bringing me band aids she expects me to put them over my nipples. i tell her no and show her i have a bra on before i put on a heavy sweater. i am not putting band aids on my nipples

thunder...

i was up and down all night with the pain. each time i rose to stumble to the bathroom for my pain killers the beauty of the full moon shining so true and bright would stop me in my tracks. for a second. there is this killer car parked in the car lot where i live. when i go down to get the clothes out of the dryer. i am going to take a picture of it- i promise. it is an old thunderbird a V8. i wonder who you gotta fuk to get one of those? bowie knifes are going to tennessee and mom is out shipping that off as we speak. we have four other items to get out today and she was starting to panic looking thru bins and i helped her with those (which we are going to take all 5 of them to the storage unit cause they are xmas attire) and at 3:40 we are going to go pick up her friend linda and head over to see john carter. i told her it was going to be a good day as i was going in the bathroom. then she heard me yell shit ..i started. well this changes everything lol.

hallelujah..

i love this song it has been stuck in my head since i discovered john bon jovi singing it before christmas. i started a sticky note thing here on my laptop to remember my itune selections i am going to buy each go round. every payday i buy a card. i can't help it. there is just something about listening to the songs you love to hear turned up soo loud that gives me joy and happiness .i could not find john singing this on itunes. so i went with jeff buckley but this is the one i wanted. he is adorable-simply gorgeous yummy yum yum

solar...

the news has been saying that there could be disruptions due to solar flares cast off by the sun, which are headed to earth. i know this has been going on since forever but when we are warned that their could be disturbances in  electronics and wireless servies such as internet and gps tracking it makes me wonder if my porn is not gonna be free flowing onto my computer screen ? ha i am going to complain to the president of the teachers association (PTA). anyway have 5 things going out tomorrow the bowie knife set sold and is headed to tennessee and some mackie tops, a metallic susan graver and a quacker factory. it took me a whole ten minutes to find the purple butterfly cardigan which was in my mother's closet. i know i would be alot more excited but my mom doesn't pay me with cash or product so it is hard to get excited like she does. oh well i am fine tuning my presentation skills to a tee. went and picked up my paycheck at work and of course everyone was there. i walked in and the new manager was like are your ears burning cause we were just talking about you. not my favorite thing to hear lol. was okay gave my mom a little extra to pay for my meds and soups and enough for us to go to the movies tomorrow -my treat to see john carter.  headed to pullman and hit wal-mart first got my usual itunes card and even picked up sam a present cause i just love spoiling my grandson but katie called and said it was too far a drive if she left since it was a two hour drive both ways and it was already 2 o clock. i hate when her and antone fight. he loves her soo much and he adores sam. but what can a mom do ? same with sam's dad shawn i miss him bad. but my girl loves antone and all in all he is better for her why ? because she loves him . anyway my mom leaves for vacation in a couple weeks i am soo gonna throw a party. wait i don't have any friends damn i knew there was something that was gonna stand in my way. my meds are starting to make my pain dull a little but it is still soo frigging raw and all consuming that it takes over my whole perception of the moment. i must go to work tomorrow just because it is bill's last day as front desk clerk. damn i know i am going to cry. i am bringing chocolate cupcakes with frosting and bought a cute card i will get everyone to sign. guess i should bring my camera too. you know how you connect to someone and there is not a damn thing you can do about it well that is bill. he is goofy and fun to talk to and i love how much he believes in god. he is soo happy in love and secure and i go out with those two whenever i get the chance. damn damn damn

ipod purchases,,

devil inside-by inxs
like a g6-far east movement
soldier-beyonce
i'm on fire-bruce springsteen
rolling in the deep-adele
someone like you-adele
family affair-mary j. blige
picture-kid rock/sheryl crow
i walk the line-johnny cash
hallelujah-jeff buckley
cars that go boom-l'trimm
foolish games-jewel
you were meant for me-jewel
who will save your soul-jewel
give it away-red hot chili peppers
fallin-alicia keys
love is alive-the judds
jamestown ferry-tanya tucker
jolene-dolly parton
you'll think of me-keith urban
you've got another thing coming-judas priest

sleepy fingers

my dad built this house after he retired and he also died there march 16, 2002

wow i am crazy with the pain. it is maddening. i lay down and start to shudder and for some reason i have the hiccoughs now. i roll on my side and hold my head gently and try not to  scream as tears race down my cheeks and hit the floor. i can hear each one going blop blop. my cheeks are flushed and i can't seem to catch my breath. i twist my fingers around like pretzels all the while i ask for relief. i want sleep to rescue me and carry away to whereever it is i go when i am not awake. guess it is time for my vicadin. i work the day after tomorrow what will i do? i am not ready geez! it sucks doing the correct thing ands showing up for work when i only make $7.25 an hour. i mean 10 years ago i was making $14.01 an hour with the postal service. i feel like i have walked thru a time warp zone into the ice age . i need calm but it is just me and my pillow. i am alone -completely alone.
i just wanna take my bitchy ass self and drive down the road towards troy and go home where you can sit outside at night with the stars so bright that they look like they are holding up the sky. where the coyotes will sing you a song of nature to ease what ails you