i have become soo melancholy that it is starting to freak me out. i am in a weird place with my emotional baggage stuffed in a suitcase that is old and worn. i don't know what is zipped up only that it wouldn't close. i had to sit on the damn thing to get it shut. i have got to stop this musing. i don't want him anymore. why can't i stop tormenting myself with this longing for him. i don't understand why i can't seem to move on. i am crying and fine all in the same breath. i am winning and losing myself before the race even starts or finishes. i don't know if i am too warm or too cold. i must stop putting him on and taking him off like a sweater. i am always uncomfortable. i hate it. all i know is there is a change in the weather and the seasons are changing in my life. i must accept that. i already have cabin fever and feel delusional when it comes to where i have been or where i am going. maybe it is time for me to start dating ? it has been 2 years now single.  Or maybe i just need a new pair of boots ?