christmas was a flash of panic from the back seat of my daughter's car every now and then i would look up from the book i was reading and get soo friggin irritated (so of course i started christmas day)we passed two cars that slid off the road around potlatch think that slowed antone down ? no it gave him road rage worse as we had to slow down for the cops . sorry it takes two hours to drive to moscow to get me/ i really was going stir crazy here. but once i had my girls and grandson around me i started to miss the calm that is locked behind the door of my apt. went to a cathdral on grand first time i ever took communion. i have never beeen to a catholic service=interesting with the incense twirler swing that around as they walked toward the alter. i don't know anybody in this rinky dink town and the students are gone anyway. if there was just one single person here who made the effort to hang out or be a friend i know i would appreciate it but nip it in the bud. why am disappointed that the world did not end on december 21,2012. why is i know and understand i am soo done with anything or anyone in this godforsaken place. done done done. well i probably have one good fuck left in me at the rate things are going

PSY - GANGNAM STYLE (강남스타일) M/V

what say you . .

what is wrong
 now is right
what to eat
what to what ?
  ssssshhhhhh

sparrow . .

 my secret desire is riding shotgun on the back of a tiny sparrow pummeling in the blackness of a great storm of unrest. my sorrow has consumed an entire ocean of salt water just so my tears will form. can i wish you into existence with a dying belief that you are out there my love. will i recognize you ? how many times will i ache to know your eyes are watching me or your lips smiling back at my smiles. how many times will i feel your presence just around the corner ? i think you are the dread that stalks me while i sleep. i wake and feel soo alone-so bitterly alone

divine key. .

is there a shadow with the voice of an echo that skips on the water like jesus ? take my hand and twist it behind my back to release any resolve left inside my person. free it and trap it lock it up and throw away the key. then play me a song i can sing in the dark about what the world has done to me. .

dancer . .

i want so bad to dance. . to spin around like a sexy diva. snapping my fingers to the beat that just won't stop on it's own. to balance on the end of a 6 inch spike heel like a ballerina with a case of raunch

whispering wind. .

i felt the wind whisper thru my hair dancing inside my dreams with a renewed interest that i never heard before. i will marry again-eventually, possibly this time for love. if love finds me it better stab me straight in the heart with a single blow. cause i ain't trusting the messenger who wants in my bed. the one who will spoon feed me melancholy to fuk up my brain. yeah true love whatever ? love is a lie that infects you like a virus til it eats you up and shits you out without wiping it's ass

Why fight life when it is death- that waits outside the door of this world, sitting in a plastic chair that knows everything

shawn apperson

Harborview Medical Center
ICU Burn Unit
Shawn Apperson
325 9th Ave

Seattle, WA 98104

a mother's plea

baby girl, baby girl i can feel your heart crying every time it is quiet. i can hear soul scream as your world crashes apart on the rocks of life. i can see your face everytime i close my eyes and it is killing me. i want to wrap my arms around you my precious daughter and tell you everything is going to be okay- but i cannot. i don't know. i cannot think right now as i ponder why this is unfolding the way it is. hold onto to what you believe with one hand and KNOW he loves his son. he is soo critically injured with the burns over 80% of his body that there is a chance he is not going to make it. i didn't want to say that. i really didn't mean to say those words katie. i have not given up on him. he saved everyone from the fire except himself. life is something we have no control over. i am sorry. i am sorry. i am sorry. i am proud of you angela kathleen for making sure your son is where he needs to be at this time-by his father's side. come home safe over the mountain pass before the snow blocks your path. come back to me baby, run back into my arms. don't turn away from those of us that love you baby girl. i need you more than you need me. come back to me

shawn apperson LUV U BOY

my daughter will never be the same. life has forced her into a new reality. the father of her first and only child is lying in the burn unit in seattle. with burns over 80% of his body. he is not going to make it. there was a fire  obviously and him and his new girlfriend saved all the kids. she still needs stitches and shawn burned up. i love him like a son. he was with my daughter for 5 years. her and my grandson are headed to seattle right now so he can say goodbye to his father. what a big boy he is going to have to be i just want to turn off all the lights and lay in my bed and cry my eyes out. jump up every 20 minutes and state to the darkness not fair not fair !!i am waiting for the call that he is passed and it sucks a big fat one. my daughter has never lost anyone this close, she is beyond hysterical. her dad has been in prison for the last 6 years and even though he is gone she knows where he is. i pray i pray i blame life for this. .

blood never lies . .

the only observation i have made these past couple of days is. . looks like there was a murder in my panties

blood never lies. .

truth hides
  behind a pair of ray ban
and a deafening smile.
wearing a straw hat
 sipping on a blood cocktail
without a straw & extra ice
 gnashing teeth against the rocks
echo into a reluctant ghost
 who grabs my arm
  and stops me dead
 like a game show host
the world forgot
 grab the remote
before it's too late
turn it off
 and go away

curse. .

i always start my period the day after some life altering implosion has occurred. geez i feel like it gathers this power that hides in my blood. to welcome my new unemployed status i went nu art last night to their free friday movie-7 days in utopia. which was not as bad as i thought it was gonna be. the time i went to their free movie friday was with cassidy and we did not check the schedule before we walked out the door. we sat on the top balconey by our selves and she danced gangham style horse trot dance and i pretended the floor was quicksand what ? nobody saw and i was very careful where i walked sorta lol. the movie was black and white HIGH NOON with grace kelly. we had soo much fun walking home because of the drunk college students. they are harmless and hoot a lot besides most of them are young hot sexy things you just can't take your eyes off anyway. like i said no harm. we walked by the bank lobby and there was the cutest blond in a plaid mini mini skirt sliding down the handrail of the escalator-damn she looked soo good. i was stuck speechless and incapable of movement as i watched her descent. my daughter looked at me at said mama ?
God i hope she goes to college.